an ode to no one

it's a stupid thing that i've seen countless times. it's inevitable, and i know it. sooner or later, one of us will screw it all up, and the storm begins once again. always the same thing. the same arguments. the same anger. the same sorrow. it's so stupid. it never changes. then why don't we learn? why do we keep doing the same mistakes on and on? why don't you try not to say those things you know that hurt me? why don't i try to ignore the pain? you see me as a devil incarnated, one reckless and full of hatred, that will never thank you for everything you did to me - and you like to remind me all the time of everything you did for me, of every petty sacrifice you made, of everything. i'm no devil. also, i'm no angel. i just wanted you to understand me. i just wanted you to realise that i'm no child nor devil - just a human being, as good and bad as a human being can be. i just wanted my failures to be less worthy than the good things i've accomplished so far. but you don't care. you don't give a fuck to that. i'm the devil here, after all. you must be the martyr, forever doomed to be tormented by the hounds of hell. not forever. forever is a lot of time.

a lot of time to be alone. again, the fate. always here, with that ironic smile of its own. now the memories of that cursed night. i regret it. not the thoughts that sliced and diced through my mind, but the lack of courage to make those thoughts real. it'd be the easiest thing to do. but i'd not be here to regret it.