my letter to santa

dear santa,

i don't believe in you, as you're just a marketing campaign of that american drink that used the base idea of saint nicholas, but that doesn't matter right now. i think the coldness of my homeland burned something inside my brain. and after last night, i don't think the north pole o whenever the fuck you live in can't be colder than this god forsaken end of the world where i'm doomed to spend christmas' eve.

but, i digress.

i know that some people writes these letters to ask you for world peace, or for something to put an end to a specific plague. well, as for one, i couldn't care less about the world, because the world doesn't really give a damn about me. i mean, i'm getting tired of those bonos and artists alike, singing for the end of starvation. you bet, if i was a starved child, and if i faced bono vox, i'd say to him "i know a very good place for you to stick your songs! now make yourself useful and buy me a fucking big mac!". to pretend that we're fighting for some righteous cause is truly amazing. and, of course, plagues and war are one of the few things that can make us recognize ourselves as humans. we're not perfect, it's time for us to face that.

besides, if all of a sudden the whole world was in peace, and no child was starving, why would miss world 2007 ask for?

now you're wondering, what the heck does this kid want? let me tell you two things. first, i'm no kid. i may not be a grown up yet, but i'm definetely no kid. second, you suck. but anyway, i have prepared just for you a short list of christmas' gifts. as i have no fucking chemney, i think you'll have to knock on the door llike everyone else. as a matter of fact, going down someone else's chemney is quite rude. be careful when you're flying over the u.s.a., else you'll be accused of trespassing.

anyway, my list:

1. a sniper rifle like the ones the british special forces use, with night vision scope and, at least, ten clips of ammunition. this is for me to go out in lisbon headhunting every santa figure i see.

2. a colt python .44 magnum revolver like john wayne's. for some point-blank shots.

3. an r.p.g. of some sort, with some projectiles. there is an ugly metallic structure in lisbon's downtown that i really need to take down.

4. a bottle of good red wine and a pack of cigarrettes. it's to celebrate when the rampage is over.

5. a fireplace. is freaking cold down here.

all right, it's done. no big deal, hum? the artillery can be easily bought in the black market, but for the wine and cigarrettes, you really need to come here. now you may ask why should you, since i hate you so much? bring me weapons and we'll talk. you see, i don't like thieves of any kind. and before you came laughing and farting in that flying thing pulled by a gay red-nosed reindeer, christmas was a religious day, in which were celebrated the birth of jesus. now you ask any child who's the christmas figure, and they'll all say "santa"! this is intolerable, you're just a trash burglar and you definetely need to be put where you deserve. So...

GIVE CHRISTMAS BACK TO BABY JESUS, YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!

aaaw... much better now. merry christmas for you all.