longing

i long for the quiet sobs. for the outbursts of anger. for the endless hours of drinking to oblivion. for the solitude. for the despair. for that empty feeling that tied a knot in my stomach. for feeling something being torn apart in me, as if my heart was standing on a deadly vice grip. i could stand it. i had no doubts back then, and there was nothing to fear.not any more. everything was said and done.

. . . until more things were said and done. then it felt like being ressurected only to suffer a slow death.