sore

there are things i did that make feel sore. i regret doing them. i really do. it was useless, of no consequence at all. childish, even. still, they are done, they have caused damage (at least for me), and they will never be the same again. but every attempt on denial, every attempt to erase them as if they had never existed at all is useless. we might delete a phone number from our cell phone, or an e-mail from our address book. we might do whatever we can, but we can't simply forget. so it's utterly useless. denial brings us nowhere.

i was lucky, though. found someone to talk to tonight. well, it would be relatively easy to find someone, but sometimes we don't need anyone. i mean, i need no one to make me feel miserable - i can do that pretty well on my own, thank you. i need no one to tell me that she didn't deserve me (one of the silliest things to say), that everything is gonna be all right (they won't, and we all know it). i just needed someone to be real. to say what should be said, and to waste no time with useless crap. to amuse me and distract me with a very good conversation about many different things (world of warcraft, relationships, politics, literature, whatever, you name it). at the same time, i needed a decent place to drink to oblivion. got both things, and thanks to one person. thank you, dear.