ashamed
should we feel ashamed of our past? if i were to answer quickly, i'd say no, we shouldn't. yet, a little wondering on the question makes me think twice. and the no turns into a yes. yes, we should, and yes, we feel. even if we haven't killed anyone, raped anyone, stolen anything. it doesn't matter. we grow up, and all of a sudden we are teenagers, and everything we used to do before seems childish and ridiculous. and then we think about it again, we are young adults, and all the stuff we did when we were teenagers seems childish and ridiculous. and so on, i guess.
i remember when i moved to my new home, in my village, four years ago. while i was gathering all my stuff, i stepped on my teenagers diary. you know, a little notebook (old school one, i had no computer back then) where i used to write on a daily basis a lot of things about whatever was happening to me. no, i never started a text by "dear diary" - that's so freaking lame -, as i never finished one by "truly yours" or something like that - even more lame. but the way i used to wrote, the things i wrote about, for fucks sake, it seemed so ridiculous that i felt ashamed by reading about things i felt once. i put it away, it's hidden, and i hope no one can ever find it. also, recently i deleted my first blog - called the darkside - for more or less the same reasons. and i'm considering the removal of my second one too, because somehow it feels old and childish, too.
so, is this like to feel ashamed? i think so. we are naturally ashamed of being ridiculous, aren't we?
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