it's a day as good as any other, i suppose

so it's time to stop wasting... time. we can't let our lifes pass us by because of anyone. it's not that we have nothing to lose, for we always have something to lose (it would be much easier if we didn't). but we can't afford to think too long about the risks, and we must take all the steps we need to - embracing the adventure, forgetting the risk, running towards something we want, even if we don't know exactly where that is, where we can find it, or whether we will find it. but all those questions become irrelevant when we no longer feel at home, where there is nothing (no one?) to warm us, to make us feel there is still hope.

only, there is any.

hope has long left the wastelands where i dwell. and i wonder why i only see it now. blindness is the answer, like it has been before in other circumstances - every little detail, every sign told me that, but i was heedless. deep inside, i believed (i'm not as pessimist as some of you might think; what i am is a good maskmaker for myself). but in what? that there is someone worth our sacrifice, the fall of our dreams?

if there are any dreams to fall. that's another question: whether these are really my dreams, or just delusions of mediocrity. i don't know, i'm clueless as a matter of fact, but the only way to know it is doing it, daring everything, and try to get something out of it. regret later, maybe, but regret something done. whatever, i'm beyond caring - i just need some action, for a change. and change. yes, change would be good. years and years making the same mistakes, for the love of god - damn it, it's about time to make different mistakes. so it's time to start a war, a revolution. or to die in the making - but it does not matter, as long as i do something. for a change.