tidal force

the problem is, what drives me is not only beyond my control: it is also beyond my understanding. as such, i do not move - i drift instead, pushed by some force that never reveals itself while never letting go, unrelenting, inexorable. it can only be seen when it forces me to derail and crash. and then, alas, comes the understanding, as i hit reality's walls. and then comes the shame, the shame of failure, even if i wasn't truly responsible for it all.