full house

i'm wondering: what will i do if that really comes to happen? unlikely? yes, perhaps, but i guess almost all the odds were challenged already. so let's make it all simple and assume it does happen just like that: what would i do? for years i thought about it, told that idea out loud, tested reactions, checked opinions. while at the same time i called upon every little thing that could get in the way to stop me going further. fear? perhaps. in the end, there are no excuses to hide that, no good ones (thankfully no one has ever asked the right questions). and as such i went on, waiting for the perfect timing that will never happen. i know that. i know that all too well. 

i had never considered the other situation though, and right now it hits me right in the face: what if..? and then i have to add that other variable to the equation, and find a way to solve it somehow. and what if it comes to happen? will i have what it takes within me to gamble everything? or will i find yet another excuse to go on hiding as i've done so far? time will tell, i guess...