honesty and lies.
i cannot translate this, unfortunately - i'm not sure whether i lack the inspiration, the vocabulary, or (most likely) both. but it is, by far, the most brilliant thing i've read in the blog-world in quite a long time.
i've said that before (but i'm too lazy to find the links). many people seem to think that an absolute sincerity, or honesty, is a virtue. it is not; it is actually a curse. and the author is right: a couple made of two absolutely honest people is not heaven, but hell. human relationships value the truth, but they survive out of lies; and without those lies, they simply come crashing down. this applies for working relationships, family relationships, friendly relatioships, and, obviously, to love relationships (they are absolutely necessary in the last two). i don't even need to give examples to illustrate this, but anyway. some things, like silly thoughts that cross our mind in a second, or minor doubts, are irrelevant for us - and telling them to the other is like calling upon a storm that both could avoid so easily. some thoughts, altough true and necessary for the relationship, cannot be told the way they come to our mind - let's face it, our inner mind, as brilliant as it might be, it's not famous for its subtlety, and it often lacks touch. when we forget this, we often ruin something that must be said by the way we said it. form overlapping the content. the medium cannot always be the message itself - or, leaving macluhan and getting back into context, the way we say things shall not overcome the meaning we want to convey, or the meaning will be lost in the static and a misunderstanding will surface and...
... and we all know how these things end.
we cannot expect absolute honesty from others because, in the end, we are never absolutely honest, not even with ourselves. there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean that we are bad persons and are going to burn in hell when we die.. nor does it mean that we are unworthy of trust. it merely means that we're humans, and as such, we struggle for survival - even for social survival. try speaking the truth all the time, and see how long you will last in your social circles.
i've said that before (but i'm too lazy to find the links). many people seem to think that an absolute sincerity, or honesty, is a virtue. it is not; it is actually a curse. and the author is right: a couple made of two absolutely honest people is not heaven, but hell. human relationships value the truth, but they survive out of lies; and without those lies, they simply come crashing down. this applies for working relationships, family relationships, friendly relatioships, and, obviously, to love relationships (they are absolutely necessary in the last two). i don't even need to give examples to illustrate this, but anyway. some things, like silly thoughts that cross our mind in a second, or minor doubts, are irrelevant for us - and telling them to the other is like calling upon a storm that both could avoid so easily. some thoughts, altough true and necessary for the relationship, cannot be told the way they come to our mind - let's face it, our inner mind, as brilliant as it might be, it's not famous for its subtlety, and it often lacks touch. when we forget this, we often ruin something that must be said by the way we said it. form overlapping the content. the medium cannot always be the message itself - or, leaving macluhan and getting back into context, the way we say things shall not overcome the meaning we want to convey, or the meaning will be lost in the static and a misunderstanding will surface and...
... and we all know how these things end.
we cannot expect absolute honesty from others because, in the end, we are never absolutely honest, not even with ourselves. there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean that we are bad persons and are going to burn in hell when we die.. nor does it mean that we are unworthy of trust. it merely means that we're humans, and as such, we struggle for survival - even for social survival. try speaking the truth all the time, and see how long you will last in your social circles.
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