As my mind blanked out into oblivion it let out a word. A single word. It was meaningless; for all intents and purposes, it was nothing but a word. There was no thought sustaining it, no idea giving it shape, no meaning to define it. And yet it was uttered in the wrongest moment of all, and as soon as it was out it reached escape velocity and went beyond all possible control. That was a long time ago; and yet, as of today that single, unintended word still robs me of my spontaneity, still keeps my mind from blanking out into oblivion again, still prevents me from letting myself go. Since that word was uttered, there is a part of me that has never slept; always awake, always aware, it has kept watch restlessly, guarding my mind from itself.