neither forgiven nor forgotten

i stood silent not because i had nothing to say - because i had, i really had - rather because i didn't want to screw everything more than it was already screwed. you may haven't noticed - you may never notice - but it stung. oh, indeed it did. it's not that you were wrong and i was right. but where has your understanding gone? your care? your friendship? in that sunny moment, i saw no friend, not the old friend of so many years, but someone casting me aside. and i felt cast aside. the others' silence didn't help, as i don't know what in a thousand hells were they thinking. i can only figure it out, and you know, i always figure things out by the worse scenario.

you said you didn't want to compare the situation to another, long since past. but by mentioning it, you did it. and you weren't saying it to myself, but to you and to you only. it that thought hadn't come to your mind at least once, you wouldn't have ever mentioned it. we don't say things we didn't previously think. i just wonder, you had all the guts to crucify me, but where were your guts long ago, when they were most needed? back then, i played the bad guy role, and you ended up on top, untouched, unscarred, while i was the target of all the hatred.

now you think that everything's all right, that i heard all your shit and accepted it as if it were some kind of divine words. really, you don't know me. i thought you did, but you don't. you got it all wrong, and there are no excuses for that. i may seem all right, but i'm not. not with you. that's the way i am. i can get over many things, even if at first i don't know where or how to get enough strenght to do it. but sometimes i simply can't forget, as i cannot forgive. it's beyond me.

and you, along with your brand new intolerance, are unforgiven and unforgetable. pity you won't realise this all by yourself.