return to innocence

about this thought in chaos,

there is a recurring dream coming and going now and then. i wake up and find myself in another place - a small flat with simple decoration, a wide bed. a couple of shelves with a fair collection of comics and sf&f books. a clean desk, for a change, and another for my drawings. A small balcony - and beyond, a different city, a foreing land (usually london, don't ask why). from my past, not a single remain. no family, no friends, no one. a brand new restart, whole fresh life out there, with newfound friends and a fair ammount of enemies to get. a simple work, perhaps in a bookshop, enough to pay the rent, the taxes, the cigarrettes and a double black coffee with jack daniels after dinner in the nearby pub. maybe one day.

, someone without a name wrote the following:

Until you screw up once more. It's life, we're allways doing the same old stupid mistakes so... do you really wanna have this new life with new friends knowing you'll screw up?

the funny thing is, it ain't about screwing up. it's about boredom, routine, lack of something new, something that make it worth to get up with the morning sun and face the day. and then comes this wish of evasion, of running away. of waking one morning and seeing no known face, no known place. of walking in the street as if it was the first time you had ever walked in the street. in the end, it's all about the return to innocence, to an innocence forever lost. merely an illusion, you might say. yes. but we need illusions, as long as they give us room to breathe again. without illusions, we'll be killing ourselves endlessly.

and as a matter of fact, we seldom do the same mistakes twice. what happens is, we do new mistakes when we try so hard not to repeat the old ones.