one, two, three, four, five.

in the first time i was unable to understand the reason, the why.
the second time vanished from my (bad) memory. probably to irrelevant, as there is nothing left of it.
the third time was a powerful blow that knocked me down to my knees. i remember all to well the fury running deep, that made wish i could set the world ablaze.
the fourth time was even more violent. an outburst of rage took me over, and the purest anger set my self destruction into motion. i survived, of course, as i always do. apparently i like the drama.
but in the fifth and last time, anger and hatred lasted a few seconds, maybe one minute. then everything i had left was resignation. it was a quiet peace, a weird feeling of inevitability as i watched my dreams stumble and fall. nothing was truly shattered in the process, for everything that could be shattered had already been shattered - and fixed the best way it could be fixed. but something are beyond fixing, beyond healing, even beyond hope. somethings are simply impossible, and meant to be that way. and then anger or hatred become irrelevant. sorrow doesn't, though; but seldom does sorrow last forever, eventually fading away. in time. but truth be told, time is the essence of everything. hopefully, it won't be any different now.