into the water

it has been a long while since the last time i've gone to the beach. it was fun when i was a child, but as the years went by, it started to become boring - not only because i can't swim, thus looking quite ridiculous while in the water (as if i don't look ridiculous enough outside the water...), but also - and mostly - because i hate sand, and i find the feeling of having sand stuck to my skin rather annoying. call me a weirdo if you like. but anyway, i'm not writing all this nonsense to explain how i've kept going to the beach, but moved from the sand and the sea (which i love, by the way) to the beach bars, with the company of a cold beer, the best friend one can have in a summer afternoon. i'm writing this because the experience i had as a kid of going to the beach is quite similar to my life right now. one goes to the beach - puts everything on the sand, passes sun protector all over the body, and starts doing something (reading, playing something from cards to football, flirting with the girlfriend, etc) until one gets too unconfortable under the flaming sun. and then it's time to go to the water, to the cold water that always makes us hesitate: should we plunge at once, or takins short steps to get used to the difference of temperature? to be honest, i never really knew the answer, and for reasons explained above, i don't think i'll ever know it. but my life have become too uncomfortable under the sun as well, and i'm wondering what exactly must i do: should i start changing everything slowly, changing this now and that when the right time comes, or should i say "fuck, what the hell" and jump into the water at once, regardless of its temperature, and changing everything that's wrong (which is basically everything, by the way) in the most violent and disruptive way? questions, questions. i wish i had an answer - even though right now i really feel like showing the finger to everything and everyone, saying a loud "fuck off" and start it all anew.