thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] all life long the same questions, the same answers. [samuel beckett]


July 11, 2008

on loneliness

what's wrong about loneliness?

i mean a conscient loneliness - or, if you want, a feeling that we don't need to be with others to do something that we want to do, or that we'd like to do. in other words, independance. i really don't get what's wrong with it. or why do people find it so weird when i say that i don't mind going out for lunch or dinner alone. "having dinner alone? that's so sad!", they usually say. and they repeat the speech if i decide to watch a movie alone in the theatres, or if i go to a music gig or festival alone. just as i did yesterday. "you came alone?!", asked a friend i found there when he saw me walking with my beer and my cigarrette.

what was the option? i want to see a movie that none of my friends wants to see. so i shouldn't go only 'cause i'm going alone? or shouldn't i go and see that gig i so want to see only 'cause none of the nearby companions is willing to pay for something that it's not among his or her preferences? i mean, i wouldn't do it as well. i don't go to the movies just for the hell of it, or to make company to someone (except for flirting purposes, but that's another story, and has nothing to do with loneliness). i don't go to some gig only because someone asks me to. no. i watch a movie that i really want to see - and even some movies i'd really like to see i end up not seeing, for i'm as lazy as a sloth. i only go to a music gig if i like the bands that will play there - especially since the ticket prices are usually sky-high. and i don't stop eating if i have to go out for a meal and have no one to join me.

or even if i feel like it. i mean, since when do we need to have company all the time? is it so frightening to have a steak or to listen to some music having ourselves as the only company?

6:39 PM

 

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