thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] the mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death. [oscar wilde]


October 19, 2010

I've never seen the stars

Everything was prepared. I was expecting to take off and go see the stars; as such, I prepared accordingly. Packed everything that had to be packed. Cleared the way for the landing zone and the space ship. Soon, I thought. Soon I'd be flying in orbit, across the void where we float and revolve around the sun. Soon I, too, would drift among the planets, would count them myself. Soon I'd be seeing the endless night, and all the stars the naked eye can see, inconceivable distances through time and space. Everything was ready, I thought.
It never happened. The big day arrived, but the landing zone remained empty, and the space ship never landed. We cannot afford it to land. For some days I looked at the night throught the windows, facing the darkness I'd never feel, seeing the stars so far away - stars I'd never see without the veil of the atmosphere. For some days I stared at the empty space where nothing came to happen. I knew it wouldn't happen. All the expectations and preparations for nothing. For emptiness. It was all I could feel, emptiness. No anger, no resentment, no contempt. Only emptiness.

2:24 AM

 

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