beyond healing

it happened as i thought it would be. it's like being walking, seeing a trap in our way and say "shit, i'm screwed" when it's so easy to dodge. but we don't dodge, we do nothing to avoid falling in the bloody trap. i knew one day i'd scorch myself beyond any possible healing. i knew it and yet i did nothing to avoid it. actually, i embraced the fire, i kept going on recklessly. now i barely hold myself together, and there's nothing left for me but to wait for it all to be over.