and old story to illustrate something... eventually.

i met her again in the street, by chance: i didn't know she was working there, and she had no idea i was back in town. we talk for a few minutes before her bus arrived, and arranged a coffee for the next day. i left, thinking how would that "date" be. and it ended up being exactly like i was expecting. some people are predictable by nature, you know, and it's easy to foresee some behaviour patterns. c. is a simple mind, simultaneously wanton and naïve, and our past, although relatively meaningless, made me predict that in the next day she would come poised to strike. her intention was clear, and words were unnecessary. however, not everyone is that predictable, and many come with clouded intentions veiled by dubious words. and since there is so much more at stake now, i dare not try to guess behaviours or goals - even though i have this feeling that despite my victory in the battle of wits, i'll leave the battlefield defeated this time. 

it kinda reminds me last time. still bleeding from the previous war, i leaped into that challenge with only one goal in mind: to inflict as much damage as i could. and i dared doing that in the most reckless way imaginable. have yet to know whether i have succeeded there or not; but it backfired (it always backfires) and hit me really hard. this time everything must be different. and hopefully it will be. from my part, i'm walk towards the abyss wearing no mask: so you can see how far have i have fallen, and how darker have i become. whether you'll understand your part in all that ordeal it's something that i really don't care about. 

besides, if what it is all about is pure "damage dealing", there are easier ways to do it. and as far as i know, i'm far better with words than with mind games.