where i am and where i should be

it might be better this way, but i can't help but feeling sorry for it all. first because i should have waited until the last minute - i usually do, but the drunken haze took me over. and also because i'd really feel up for it, despite the risk it would imply. oh, i do feel far more up to it than for what is waiting for me. it might be better this way, i believe. and it won't be because a part of me will never be truly where i am, but where i should be.