dead end

it is a dead end and i know it. all my steps have led me here - the last opportunity i've had to pick up a different way has been foolishly wasted by some kind of blind faith that i should already know how to ignore. need to study my lessons again, it seems. now i know where this way leads - and despite the fact that long ago it was a wide street full of light, now it's lights are out and the sidewalks are narrowed by rusting garbage and dirt. and it ends with a high brick and mortar wall built in a rush to contain the desolation into my world. for a moment i thought i could breach it, or even take it down, if i tried really hard; but now i doubt it. it might well be possible, of course - we never know - but i not only doubt that it can be done, but also that i want it done. and if i don't want to take it down, it won't be broken by the other side. 

i should start cleaning the mess instead, now that i know at least one thing that i cannot do in order to succeed. but i don't even know where to begin.