not to make sense anyway

i wanted to write something about it, and i've tried - the result was countless draft posts deleted, one after the other. and it's not that i have nothing to say (to write) about it, because i do. don't know where to start, though. too many things have crossed my mind since then, and some of those cannot simply go out without the right filters. the question is, how to mask something that simply cannot be masked? it's confusing. i could start by saying that it was completely unpredictable, and that would be true. i could as well say that it was not only predictable but also certain - and i wouldn't be lying either. and the truth is, i don't know. it was expectable, but still surprising. funny paradox. should have hurt, and hurt deeply, and it didn't, it didn't hurt at all. not yet, at least. it's all still taking its course, i guess.