easier to lie.

i wonder what would happen if we were to switch places, i.e., if i was the one in your situation. and the answer is, nothing would happen. i wouldn't tell you anything. not to you, and probably not to many people (even some people from my inner circles would be left out). no reason for that. i just feel tired of talking, you know? tired of exposing myself for people who care not to listen. it has been a long while since the last time i've felt truly allright, truly in peace (won't even mention when was the last time i've felt happiness, or just a shadow of it); and since then i've tried to talk with several people about it, most of times to no avail. some attempts were simply diverted, and i ended up listening to someone else's dramas when i was in need of talking about my own dramas. in other situations it was even stranger: i've felt suddenly - and oddly - ashamed of talking about myself and, when asked, merely lied. "yes, i'm alright", i said, as i could feel every piece of myself being shattered with a sledgehammer. it's becoming pointless, you know? why should i try to open up and let it all go when it's so much easier to drop out a convincing lie and move forward? they don't care, so why should i? and those that care, those that really care, they know when i'm lying. sometimes even better than i do.