thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] the end is in the beginning and yet we go on. [samuel beckett]


October 31, 2005

full emptiness

the school's view in that rainy day astonished him. despite the clouds there was light all around. everything was bright, noisy, full of life. "yet it's amazing", he thought, his sad eyes seeking a familiar face in vain, "how can this crowded place feel so empty when she's not around..."

4:45 PM 1 comments

 

quietly . . .

. . . explodes your love
your insecurity is so soft to me
i can't let you breathe in
we are falling into us
i see you dying in my eyes...

(guano apes)

2:51 PM 0 comments

 

stairway to heaven

for the first time he was aware of her smile - wide, radiant, pure - as he walked away. and then the ancient walls silently collapsed around them, revealing the truth behind the world - he was standing in the very stairway to heaven, under the deep blue sky, staring at the purest of all angels.

2:26 PM 0 comments

 

October 29, 2005

quoth the raven:

"if you are going through hell, keep going".

- Winston Churchill

11:44 AM 2 comments

 

October 27, 2005

even the scales

the sky... the sky is fair. it'll always be above everyone's head. no differences.

(dante, in devil may cry)

10:46 PM 1 comments

 

soft touch

in this gray city of bleak umbrellas, everyone has long forgotten how gentle is the caress of the first drops of rain in a naked face.

7:33 PM 1 comments

 

ego brain

you see, my pain is real,
watch my world dissolve
and pretend that none of us see the fall.
as i turn to sand
you took me by the hand
and declare that love prevails over all.
(system of a down)

12:35 PM 1 comments

 

October 26, 2005

spoiled friendship

the oldest excuse to say 'no' when someone fell in love is to say "we're really good friends, and i don't want to spoil that". technically speaking, this is a complete bullshit. yet it does have a point. most people tend to start forgetting about their old friendships when they say 'yes'.

8:09 PM 0 comments

 

somethings must never be said

she says she's sincere because she always says what comes to her mind. she only forgets that sincerity has nothing to do with saying everything. for there are some things that must never be said.

1:30 AM 2 comments

 

October 24, 2005

live every day as if it was the last one

no. live every day as if it was the first one. when you are born, you think only in everything you can do. when you are dying, you can't stop thinking about everything you were not able to do. everyone has a quite romantic way to see the end - the utmost meaning of the carpe diem phylosophy. but the end is nothing but the purest and more worthless despair.

11:25 PM 1 comments

 

suicide note*

hello, miss death. please. don't look at me like that. i am a coward, i know. i am a runner, forever doomed to be a god forsaken runner and nothing more. but please, come in. you don't need to stay there. it's cold outside, isn't it? yes, i know it can get colder. the fall has just begun, after all. but please, come in, have a sit, make yourself confortable. coffee? tea? no? okay. we have time, i think? good. let's talk then.
i know what you're thinking. how could i? so young, so bright, so full of life. that's what everyone believed i was. no one saw my dark side. that depressive, melancholic side that wanted to cry all the time. but my voice was gone, and my tears were long dry. and then a silent, cold despair took me over. no one was here to see my fall. no one was here to grab my hand. everyone believed i was fine as i had no reason to be otherwise. i had to be fine.
everybody was obviously wrong.
and here i am, soaked in my own blood, telling you all this nonsense, miss death. the smile in your face tells me i don't really want to die; else i'd have chosen any other way to put an end to myself. perhaps. anyway, there's no one here to save me. only you. quietly waiting for me.
getting up? is it time to go already? oh... right... had no time to say good bye... there's no need. wait, miss death. don't leave me alone here. it's cold inside, isn't it? here, give me your hand. and please, turn off the lights and close the door behind me.
(*just in case, this is pure fiction)

10:54 PM 2 comments

 

wake me up when my life ends

then i can finally sit back and enjoy the silence.

8:13 PM 0 comments

 

the first cut is the deepest

it slashes both your flesh and your soul. then only the pain remains.

2:29 PM 0 comments

 

October 20, 2005

hopeless north

even when you lose everything - directions, objectives, dreams, hope -, your compass keeps pointing to the cold, distant north.

12:16 PM 1 comments

 

you ≠ her

only the you may change when one says i love you.

1:12 AM 2 comments

 

ex love

haley rockwell (sarcastic): "well if it isn't trent 'walking dizz'aster himself.

trent 'trench' aster: "haley. long time no see."

haley (angry): "what are you doing here, trent?"

trench: "well... gee, let me think... i came all the way here just to see your smiling face, baby."

haley (sarcastic): "aww, that's so cute it almost pains me to be the one to inform you that's not gonna happen in this lifetime. so try again."

trench: "all right, fine. be that way. and after all the trouble i went to in bailing out your little brother and bringing him here."

haley: "mason's with you? i should've known. where ever there's trouble the idiot brigade is sure to be together."

trench: "now look here, sister... i didn't come back to this sandbox to get the cold shoulder from the ice queen."

haley (sarcastic): "of course. you expected me to melt into your arms with your charming personality and quick wit."

trench: "that was the idea, yeah"

haley (angry): "well, get a clue. you're a rude, lewd, egotistical male chauvinist pig with a knack to attract the worst trouble like no one else can."

trench (smiling): "what's yer point?"

haley (sarcastic): "my point is that this conversation, as fun as it's been, it's over. you have done your good deed for the year. you can leave now. after all, it's what you do best, isn't it?"

trench: "now look here, missy..." (fade out)

script by eric 'zeuslegion" dieter, the antioch chronicles - episode III, thoughts in chaos, chapter 3: ex-factor.

12:47 AM 1 comments

 

best friends

you know your best friend is lost not when he forgets your birthday, but when he suddenly doesn't trust you enough to assume that.

12:44 AM 1 comments

 

champagne supernova

'cuz people believe that they're gonna get away for the summer
'but you and i, we live and die
the world's still spinning around, we don't know why
why, why, why?

(oasis)

12:24 AM 0 comments

 

October 19, 2005

description

as doubt woke me from my slumber, i called all my friends - in the very middle of the night - and asked them to say the sentence that best described me. after some after-hour strokes of imagination, three late-night insults and a couple of half dreaming "what are you talking about? i was sleeping...", i realised that no sentence would ever - ever - describe me better than i love you.

1:17 AM 1 comments

 

October 18, 2005

thoughts in chaos - origin

is it possible to feel good just for feeling good?

suddenly you open your eyes and realise they had never been closed in your lifetime. a trance awake, some sort of empiric dellusion. how's that possible? how comes?

beep! wrong question! ask again!

(a silent moment. the world freezes around you. full stop. you can see colours. red and blue. green and yellow. black and white (with several shades of gray). you see faces. sad and happy, tired and full of energy to change the world; angry, yet peaceful. you can see souls. unexpressive, evanescent. pale as the moon. bleak as the light.

yes. as the light. did you think the light was white? or even yellow? just as that lamplight suspended in the ceiling above your head?

anyway. i am still waiting. ask again.

where are we going?

i'm smilling. can you se me smilling? yes? now that's a question. better: that is the question.

yes.

it is indeed possible to feel good for anything but for the feeling itself. about the question... there is an answer. you just have to go on living if you wanna know it.

that's what i'm doing right now. yes, i am here. alive. feeling good? yeah... maybe.

7:08 PM 1 comments

 

chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

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