March 31, 2009
and pushing us into self-destruction
this is just a theory, of course; one that is most likely flawed by assuming i can fall in love again. but flawed or not, it helps explaining a lot of things.
March 30, 2009
tsunamis and tidal waves
on coincidences and timing
*taken from here.
March 28, 2009
neo: ... "but..."?
oracle: "but" you already know what i'm going to say.
neo: ...i'm not the one.
oracle: sorry, kid. you've got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.
oracle: your next life maybe. who knows? that's the way these things go. (...)
March 27, 2009
digging the past (II)
now pushing that surge of nostalgia away...
March 26, 2009
i had no choice but to obey, of course.
the balcony for a late-night cigarrette is always a good idea. people wonder why do i smoke. they ask me if i don't know that smoking is bad for my health - as if i was blind and couldn't read the huge black-and-white warnings printed on every pack. here's the answer: i smoke because of the loneliness. because of moments like that one, when i can get no sleep, no rest, no company. so i can go out, sit in the balcony and stare at the night, at the full moon, at the bridge over the city and the river. i've noticed recently that there are always cars and trucks crossing the bridge. it doesn't rest for a minute. it stays awake the whole night, so others who stay awake as well can speed through it. the cigarrette is over, i toss its tip over the balcony, to the backyards below. they belong to someone else, of course. i'm waiting for the day when one neighbour - any of them - will yell at me for tossing the cigarrette tips.
sitting in front of the computer is also a good idea. staring at the screen, after all, wears the eyes and makes me sleepy. but what to do in front of the computer? there is no one to chat on instant messaging. w.o.w. mates are all sleeping, and those who aren't are certainly doing something better. i've read all the blogs i read everyday, and posted some comments already. feel too tired and too blank to write anything of my own. i hate insomnia not because i can's sleep - couldn't care less about sleep - but because it also drains any idea or inspiration i might have for writing. you might ask, but i'm writing. yes, but right now i should be working, and i feel so sleepy that i feel i could sleep until tomorrow morning without much of a trouble. so i'm delaying what i would like to do - to sleep - because of what i must do - work. some people say this is what adulthood is all about. i say this is a complete pain in the ass. for once, i miss my life as a student - could skip classes in moments like this one. those days are never coming back though. i don't miss my school years. don't miss the school mates, don't miss the girlfriends, don't miss the classes, don't miss the bar, the hallways, the schoolworks, the climbing uphill every morning. i do miss some friends that are still my friends despite of the university - those that life hasn't send so far away. should spend more time with them, now that i think of it. miss how easy it was to pull out a girl, without much of a fuss - being a student is to be always knowing new people, after all; after that, your social life becomes a living hell. at least mine did. i'm sorry that some of the classes (and teachers) i had took place in my first year. were they in the last and i would have learned so much more. i hated that bar, always noisy, always too full of cigarrette smoke - and nowadays, still noisy but without any smoke, any particular smell. schoolworks were lousy, and one of them in particular ended up opening a wound that will never really heal. the school building was terrible. it was modern architecture, but would made howard roark slash his wrists. it had a silly concept and no soul whatsoever. and it stood on the top of a damned hill. can't miss it in any way, except for the fact that when i was studying there, i could skip classes if i wanted to sleep. or if i wanted to see a friend. or if i wanted to skip them just for the sake of it. so basically i miss my school because i could chose not to go there. funny.
enough. this ain't making any sense anyway. going to smoke a cigarrette and have a coffee before i fall asleep over the keyboard.
wasting time (not)
March 25, 2009
i can get out of the village, but the village never gets out of me.
i know it's fiction
i wish it was just like that in real life.
March 24, 2009
i didn't see that coming
nowadays no one writes letters anymore. writing in a piece of pacer, walk to the post office and send it is too much trouble when we can click all the way through our e-mail accounts. pity. for the sake of velocity and instant communication, something has been lost. we don't know anymore the feeling of waiting days for a letter, of checking the mailbox every morning, of following the postman's movement from behind the window. we have no idea how good it is to grab a piece of paper handwritten by someone and read it, for those words were meant to us, and to us alone. we lost all that, exchanged it by the zeros and ones of digital communication.
and we've also lost the love letters... who writes them nowadays? no one. today we propose ourselves through e-mail, msn messenger or sms. wow. how romantic, hum?
March 20, 2009
going to my homeland for the weekend...
of course, it ruined my mood for the day.
so after two months i'm finally returning there. kinda miss them. kinda miss decent food, cheap whisky. don't miss hiding to smoke a cigarrette, though, but i suppose i could use a haircut already. anyway, see you sunday or monday.
the truth always comes to the surface
in case you need something to read during the weekend
injustice and ingratitude (II)
i might be thinner by the next year. who knows? i'm thin by nature, it seems, and regardless of what i eat (or how many...), i'm thin. tall and thin, without much of a build and with more agility than i can tap for my own good.
you, on the other hand, might well be better fed next year. not that you've been starving lately. far from that. but i don't care: starving or bursting out of your pants, you're gonna be the same shitty person that you've always been. to think that i've admired you one day makes me sick. you're intelligent, all right; your natural stupidity, however, seems to be the only thing that matches your brains. you've proven to me again what an ungrateful bastard you are, one that is unable to see how much i gave of myself in exchange of so little. that was not your problem, though. as you cleverly said once, my problems were of no concern to you. in a way, i regret that i took so long to leave. but a second thought makes me feel glad that i hesitated so much, and let so many time pass. at least when i left, i left with the true picture of yourself. and learned a good lesson. that is priceless, i'd say.
injustice and ingratitude
March 18, 2009
liberals? hah, cut the crap.
you, writing a book? god save us.
okay, i know this thought fails due to wishful thinking. it only works like that in theory. because in the real world, everyone writes and publishes books nowadays. as i said above, i've nothing against it - i'm quite liberal, economically speaking*. but what we see today is people who have nothing to say publishing... a bunch of pages saying nothing. or people who could actually have something remotely (or really) interesting to say, but fail completely at writing. you definitely fall into the second category, and perhaps even in the first one. save yourself while you can, either by learning something or by dismissing the idea entirely.
and no, i'm no fucking authority when it comes to writing. i'm not even nowhere near it, and the reason why i never tried to finish any of my so-called "literary projects" is the fact that i know i'm not good enough for it. i might be a lazy bum, but i still have standards. anyway, i do know that on that regard, you're way behind me, so take this as a honest advice. if not, well, don't count on me to say that something awfully written is actually good.
*and i mean liberal in the original sense of the word, not liberal as most people around my age, or younger, understand the concept and advertise it as a self-definition on social networking sites. most of the people i know claiming to be "liberal" are proto-comunists at heart and mind. go figure.
March 16, 2009
it's the first time that happens:
i wake up with an idea in my mind. a sentence. mind you, it is the best title i've ever created. but that was it: one hell of a title. by itself, it provided a decent introduction and a name - or rather, a nickname - for the main character. but who is she? okay, i do know the character is a she. a girl. i also know she likes astronomy, just like me. but what else? how old is she? where does she live? what are her hobbies? who the hell is she?
i knew that my characters were more alive than they probably should be. i mean, they have this tendency to take over my stories and decide for me the way the story goes. they are very demanding: they ask for a background, an origin. sometimes they don't like the name i give them and force me to change it. i swear it. this time it's different: she came to me, whispered the words to my ears, and told me that whatever was supposed to happen, was up to me. in other words, she put me in one hell of a trouble.
at least she told me her name before she said goodbye: andrea. it is nowhere near enough for a start, but it's all i have. let's see what i'll get.
my newfound zen moment:
March 15, 2009
more than having anyone who cares about me, i really feel i need someone who can make shut the fuck up. i don't know why i keep doing it, but it has always backfired. always. god damn it. see, one can never be sure about someone's reactions. you go on thinking that you know everything, that you know exactly what to expect; but you're wrong, oh you are so wrong. sometimes people surprise you.
so right now i have to deal with the fact that i'll be creating more memories, when what i should be doing was to erase all that could be erased. i'm creating expectations when i should just be here on my own, quiet and alone. and i'm getting into free trouble, as if i didn't have enough of that already. heh. someone wish me good luck, please. i'm so going to need it.
March 13, 2009
digging the past
March 12, 2009
i'm having the weirdest dreams ever
March 11, 2009
i don't need another mother, but thanks for the offer.
March 10, 2009
readers' blog: inner sadness
If only life were so easy, she wouldn’t be using metaphors to describe her life; there wasn’t anything left back there. What was, had gone, and was never going to be. Forgetting them was hard and it should have been worth it but somehow it never was.
Not being able to find it had been the hardest thing in her life. Questioning God, was it even there? But she still convinced herself that it was and that she would find it one day. The worrying and the fearing: the dreaded feeling of being so unprotected and lonely. Was anyone even there, to begin with?
She felt so unprotected amongst them, it was a feeling she hated. No one being there for her. Why wasn't anyone there? Wondering made her yearn but for what? She had never yearned for anything, ever. But this was something much more. That empty feeling in her heart she knew she shouldn't be feeling, why was it there? She had matured too quickly and that wasn't right for such a young age. Being mature meant knowing lots of things, and she did know lots of things but it was all too much. One day she was going to give into this temptation that was as black as the devil himself...if only they had yes, would it have been anymore different than now?
Life was precious and so was her heart that felt all the pain of the world. She considered herself as Jesus, but was she really? Or was she a sucker for sadness? Only time would tell the secrets that would reveal themselves in front of her like a flower in blooming. The only difference was that with flowers no matter what, they were always beautiful. But with secrets it was hard, they were so unpredictable...
right questions, wrong questions
March 09, 2009
And now for something completely different,
the next one shall come by the end of the month, i believe, and will be a rerun. meanwhile, i'll trust my skills to dodge in order to survive, and a little luck to have some fun. or, eventually, something interesting. we never know.
March 07, 2009
who watches the watchmen? - review
okay, i've seen it. but for the first time of my life, i left the theatre without knowing whether i liked watchmen or not. will explain below, but be forewarned: there will be spoilers.
watchmen: the good
the soundtrack. christ, the soundtrack is one of the best i've ever seen (heard) in a movie. the first scene, when the comedian is murdered, gets even more intense when its ruthlessness and violence contrast with the melancholic song that can be heard. just as the funeral, with simon and garfunkel's sound of silence playing. and so many others.
the acting. globally speaking, all of them are very good - the cast had actors, not pop stars, and that worked out pretty well. have to say this though: among all the actors, the oscars would go to jeffrey dean morgan as comedian and jackie earle haley as rorschach.
the visual effects. obviously.
the little details. those that are there, just as they are in the comic. like laurie's snowball over the telly, when she remembers her childhood. or hollis' repair shop poster.
the adaptation itself, the way how the movie shown the main scenes of the graphic novel and stepped away from the unnecessary parts - like the tales of the black freighter, as i suspected, or the shrink's family drama.
rorschach's analysis. i feared that rorschach's interrogation after he was arrested would be removed, when it's one of the story's best moments. but it wasn't; snyder understood its importance, and filmed. again, he was pretty clever: if i remember correctly, in the book rorschach kills the little girl's murderer by shackling him to a pipe. then he hands the guy a saw, smears gasoline all over the place and tells him, before setting the place on fire, that the saw won't cut through the metal pipe. to film it like this - it's the way it is in the book - would be odd, because as far as i know one of the "saw" movies has a scene just like this one (guess where the director got the idea...). watchmen's audience might have not read the graphic novel; as such, people could think that snyder was copying the other movie. good option.
the changed climax. well, it is different from the book, even though in the end it has the same practical results. good choice: following the graphic novel would make the movie longer, and as it is... it is already long enough. besides, blaming dr. manhattan does not has no significant consequence on the plot, and shows the unmatched intelligence of adrian veidt.
the beginning's credits. works as an excellent introduction to the story.
watchmen: the bad
the plot's rhythm is not billiant, especially in the movie's first half. some scenes do not fit together as they should. all those flashbacks are necessary, of course, but somehow they shatter the movie's sequence.
rorschach's analysis. it is there, but should have been better developed. namely, the origin of his mask should have been mentioned, the kitty genovese affair and how it affected him. and, of course, the irony of rorschach being analysed with... a rorschach inkblot test.
the big hole in the plot: how on earth did the comedian know about veidt's conspiracy? government asked him to investigate? i don't buy that; despite the conflict with the oil lobby, veidt was above any suspicion.
jon and laurie's return to a devastated new york should have included a little more blood and gore. hell: the movie has blood and broken bodies all over; some more would make little difference.
bubastis appearance in the end. her origin is not explained - she is just there, in the antartica. odd.
adrian veidt: it would have been important to show more of veidt's past in order to give him more depht. in the end, he is almost a flat character, and that's simply wrong.
the movie ends exactly as the graphic novel, but... for those who are not familiar with the book, the new frontiersman is just another newspaper. okay: the movie wouldn't have time to include the newspapers' political wars, but without that background, the ending is not as good as it should be.
watchmen: not the ugly, but a little summary.
the movie was not made for fanboys only. it follows the original plot, but something is amiss. okay, considering how dense and complex is the plot, i do believe this was the best adaptation possible. zack snyder deserves all the credit. however... quoting the movie critic jorge mourinha, "we are left half-way between amazement for his ability to film a masterpiece novel and frustration because the film is nothing more than that. all right, that's already a lot. but considering what watchmen is on the paper, it might not be enough." what is missing is the director's personal mark printed on the movie. in the end, that was one of the things that made peter jackson's the lord of the rings a great, great movie.
March 06, 2009
the bystander effect
March 05, 2009
who watches the watchmen?
so today we'll finally get to see one of the most awaited movies of the year, and also one of the most controversial hollywood projects of the last years: watchmen, based in the extraordinary graphic novel by alan moore and dave gibbons. (my) expectations are high, of course, and that means that if the movie does not match those expectations, i'll be sorely disappointed. the graphic novel is quite complex, and as such, turning it into a successful movie is definitely not a job for every director. let's see if zack snyder - the director of 300 - fails or proves that he is indeed a great director.
the good news: the original movie script was intended for 120 minutes and was meant to be more "political". okay, watchmen itself is a political story, but what the studio really wanted was to adapt it to the present moment, by mentioning for example the war on iraq - most likely instead of including the vietman war. snyder, thankfully, could avoid that disaster. the movie has 168 minutes and, considering the trailers and some stuff i've read on the internet and on the press, seems to be rather faithfull the original plot. concerning visual effects, it might well be as good or even better than 300 - anyway, visual effects' fans won't be disappointed for sure. it remains to be seen how the director handled some parts of the plot that, albeit secondary, are extremely important for we to understand the dephts of some characters - namely, rorschach. obviously, the tales of the black freighter won't make an appearance. and that won't necessarily be a bad thing - just as the lord of the rings movie was awesome even if tom bombadil was not included.
there is still a doubt: will the movie be fanboy stuff or can it be seen by a wider audience? okay, that is an important question, but we must keep in mind that watchmen is not like other super-hero comics. so if someone is expecting something like spiderman, fantastic four or even batman - so far, the only comic super-hero who had great films. watchmen is a dense story, perhaps too dense; its characters are not shallow at all and where super-heroes are as human as the ordinary citizen. except dr. manhattan, of course, but even for someone who is ultimately unable to show or feel any emotions, dr. manhattan is incredibly complex. well, i suppose the time magazine has placed watchmen among the one-hundred best books of the twentieth for a reason.
will write a review after i watch the movie. but so far, i'm expecting something at least as good as peter jackson's masterpiece, the lord of the rings.
March 03, 2009
the truth always comes to the surface
like a turtle
went to share a flat with my former and absent room mate - a childhood friend - and his girlfriend. we've been into that flat for one year, but the landlord asked us to leave because he needed the house for a niece - or so he said. then we moved to another place, a huge appartment. by that time though, my relationship with them was starting to become too troubled. well, more with him than with her, to be honest. it's funny to see that she cares most about me than he does, despite the fact that he is my childhood friend and she was just her girlfriend (now she is a good friend of mine). anyway, this is another story, one that i might well leave for another day. i believe that living with them was becoming unbearable for everyone and so, before more damage was done, i decided to leave. and a friend of mine who had just returned from spain asked me if i wanted to share his own flat with him. he was (and is) a good friend, the rent was relatively low, so i accepted, and moved as soon as it was possible. the thing is, my friend's brother is coming to study here next year, and as such, he'll need the flat for him. so i have to leave until the summer; and since right now i have the chance of sharing a flat with a friend, i'm moving.
so basically this is the story. what i'd like to was to have a place only for myself, a small flat or something like that where i could live alone with little concern about smoking or how loud the music is playing. the thing is, houses here in lisbon (and nearby) are pretty expensive for someone on his own, and as a journalist, i'm not exactly royally paid (unfortunately). perhaps one of these days i'll find the right place (i'll keep trying, that's for sure), but in the meanwhile i'll go on moving, it seems.