April 29, 2006
April 28, 2006
April 25, 2006
bus
everytime i sit in that bus and feel it moving, a sudden sadness invades my heart. it's not that i have reasons to be sad. it's just the simple fact that i am not staring at your wonderful smile.
April 21, 2006
just to reassure:
the orange t-shirt i was wearing today has nothing to do with the recent death of that soap-opera kid, all right?
enemy within
i went to a lyric website seeking for arch enemy lyrics just to find out that visitors interested in arch enemy lyrics may also be interested in... james blunt. of course. wasn't that pretty obvious? the guys with steel-toe boots in their feet, iron chains around their necks, black leather pants and heavy metal t-shirts who like to mosh as if there is no tomorrow in arch enemy live shows are nothing but young teenage girls singing all the time "you're beautiful"...
of course.
of course.
April 19, 2006
pride
once i've abandoned everything i held dear for pride, to realise that the pride that has driven me for so long led me to a place where only sorrow could survive. i've longed in that suffocating darkness for too many time. the time for pride is no more. from here, my world shall be reborn, and i shall never give it up again.
April 17, 2006
about the negativity in this blog:
a merda da vida é que, ao contrário das televendas que infestam os canais portugueses de madrugada, não nos devolve o dinheiro se não ficarmos satisfeitos com ela.
(não te habitues ao português, foi a excepção que confirma a regra)
(não te habitues ao português, foi a excepção que confirma a regra)
April 16, 2006
i shall not
your prophecies of doom will be denied by my pride. you may be right, and my future may be dark indeed. but my tears shall be dropped anywhere else.
who came first, the chicken or the egg?
if every religion defines his god as the true one, and if there are many religions, can there be a true god? or are they all fakes? after all, even those who believe, for example, in jesus christ, believe in many different ways. how can this be, if god is, as it is said, only one? centuries of theories, of doubts, of religious wars, just to end up without knowing anything but one thing: by this time, even god doesn't know whether he created mankind, of if it was mankind who created god. and just as the old chicken and egg paradox, that question is meant to remain unaswered.
after all, in one thing all religions and cults agree: it is all a matter of belief.
after all, in one thing all religions and cults agree: it is all a matter of belief.
a stranger far from home
i lived in this small village in the very end of the world for eighteen years. i was born here. i have grown up here. i have made my first friends here, at school. in many ways, here i became what i am today. yet today i am a stranger here. i go to a public place and most people stare at me as if i am a newcomer, maybe as someone who changed so much that they can no longer recognize. and that is not due for my departure and pursuit of higher studies. i started to become a stranger in my last year living here - when i started to shape my personality. i started to like different things, to have different interests, to appreciate different companies. young people in small places are very closed. most of times, the only bond between them is a common interest. those who dare to assume their differences and live with them become pariahs, oucasts. strangers at their very home.
April 14, 2006
but if i go to hell, well then i hope i burn well*
someone seems to be afraid of going to hell one day for not devoting her life to god's ways. worry not, sweetheart, hell is far funnier that the pure and sin-free heaven. sex? if sin wasn't the way, why would eve have eaten the apple? you'd find heaven to be boring, hun. besides, all interesting people is rotting in hell. let's consider music, for example. in heaven, we might have.... bethoveen, mozart? in hell, we have kurt cobain, sublime, alice in chains, beatles, drowning pool and sepultura..!
*blood hound gang, fire, water, burn.
*blood hound gang, fire, water, burn.
April 13, 2006
home.
after some months i found out the same buildings, the same dirt on the same streets. the same people. and then again, the same empty talks, the same circumstancial words. the same boredom. whoever said it was good to go back home surely never lived in my town.
April 12, 2006
the purest form of life
your hesitating words drew a wide smile in my lips. i wasn't expecting anything that kind, that sweet, that... full of love? surely. i know you feel more, even more than your words revealed. it was a glimpse. of your heart.
it is due to spring, they say. no. spring can never explain something like that. pure love doesn't need a special occasion, a day to be celebrated, a radiant morning and a glorious sunset. pure love can walk in a blasted wasteland without getting thirsty, without sunburns. pure love can walk through the most intense rain without getting soaked. pure love can swim a thousand seas without drown. pure love can traverse the skies, high between the stars, without rush, without vertigo, without fear. like a god.
yet we are no gods. we're just in love. the purest form of life.
it is due to spring, they say. no. spring can never explain something like that. pure love doesn't need a special occasion, a day to be celebrated, a radiant morning and a glorious sunset. pure love can walk in a blasted wasteland without getting thirsty, without sunburns. pure love can walk through the most intense rain without getting soaked. pure love can swim a thousand seas without drown. pure love can traverse the skies, high between the stars, without rush, without vertigo, without fear. like a god.
yet we are no gods. we're just in love. the purest form of life.
(ex) best friend
and suddenly we wake up to realize that we can't have but a couple of empty, circumstancial words with someone who had grown up with us. with whom we shared either our good and our bad moments. in who we relied more than anyone else. then we are invaded by an imense sorrow, by a neverending feeling of loss. time becomes a time of loss indeed.
yet it also becomes a time of revelations. because a friendship may be built upon many sunny days, but it is only true and strong if it is not reduced to those circumstancial words after the storm. even if it was shaken by every random drop of pouring rain.
yet it also becomes a time of revelations. because a friendship may be built upon many sunny days, but it is only true and strong if it is not reduced to those circumstancial words after the storm. even if it was shaken by every random drop of pouring rain.
April 07, 2006
weather forecast
there are promising days: you wake up, open the window and see the most glorious morning. inevitably your lips draw a smile, believing that the sun bathing your face is the herald of joy for the coming day. until the moment you leave home, and realize that the once blue sky is covered with gray clouds, selfishly hiding the sun behind them. the cold wind blowing from nowhere and everywhere at the same time forces a chill through your spine. and the sudden drops or pouring rain makes you realize that your colorful spring clothes makes you feel barely naked against the elements. then the promise of the sunny morning is gone, and all the excited thought "what can happen to me today? everything, hope" is replaced by "what else can happen to me today? everything, it seems..."
i love to feel the rain in my skin. yet i can't stop hating these days. i don't care if i live in illusion or delusion. just don't brake either of them.
April 06, 2006
bittersweet irony
it is rather sweet when i wake up in the morning feeling a cold, soft rain falling. mosto of times i get a thunderstorm by the evening and a blizzard at late night.
April 02, 2006
dream denial
probably, the right thing to do now was to leave. to give up. to walk alone again. i would hurt you again, but it would be the last time. then i would vow myself to loneliness, to a lonely and sorrowful path, until despair finally took me over. but i would never hurt anyone again. i would never disappoint anyone again. i would simply leave with the memories of love and joy, promises of a radiant sunny day that quickly ran away when the first gray clouds formed in the distant skies. of a sweet place, bigger than myself, for what i longed every single day, but where i have no right to be.
sinner anyway
i don't know how is the god's judgement, but i know pretty well how men judge other men. one may do everything right; when he fails, no one will remember his or her good deeds. one may do everything wrong; when we do something right, there will be no one to praise him. and, after all these years, i still don't know what is my side of this paradox.
April 01, 2006
suicide note
tonight my soul is so empty that i can feel every inch of it. i can feel its very dephts while a chill of vertigo rushes trough my veins. tonight i have fallen, i'm down in the ground, as my face is battered by the cold falling rain, as my thoughts generate a huge whirlwind deep inside of me. tonight i was murdered - you killed me in cold blood, mercilessly. you sent me down to the burning hell when all i wanted was to give you the bluest of the skies.
goodbye. i will fly with the birds.