thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] when life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequilla. [unknown]


April 29, 2006

u.f.o.

nadabrovitchka!

1:43 AM 0 comments

 

April 28, 2006

dedicated to my good friend monty:


see you in azeroth!

7:22 PM 1 comments

 

April 25, 2006

bus

everytime i sit in that bus and feel it moving, a sudden sadness invades my heart. it's not that i have reasons to be sad. it's just the simple fact that i am not staring at your wonderful smile.

10:46 PM 1 comments

 

April 21, 2006

just to reassure:

the orange t-shirt i was wearing today has nothing to do with the recent death of that soap-opera kid, all right?

11:17 PM 0 comments

 

enemy within

i went to a lyric website seeking for arch enemy lyrics just to find out that visitors interested in arch enemy lyrics may also be interested in... james blunt. of course. wasn't that pretty obvious? the guys with steel-toe boots in their feet, iron chains around their necks, black leather pants and heavy metal t-shirts who like to mosh as if there is no tomorrow in arch enemy live shows are nothing but young teenage girls singing all the time "you're beautiful"...

of course.

11:09 PM 0 comments

 

April 19, 2006

pride

once i've abandoned everything i held dear for pride, to realise that the pride that has driven me for so long led me to a place where only sorrow could survive. i've longed in that suffocating darkness for too many time. the time for pride is no more. from here, my world shall be reborn, and i shall never give it up again.

1:50 PM 0 comments

 

April 17, 2006

about the negativity in this blog:

a merda da vida é que, ao contrário das televendas que infestam os canais portugueses de madrugada, não nos devolve o dinheiro se não ficarmos satisfeitos com ela.

(não te habitues ao português, foi a excepção que confirma a regra)

2:09 AM 2 comments

 

reflection in a dirty mirror

beast. defiler. the source of all my pain.

1:12 AM 1 comments

 

April 16, 2006

i shall not

your prophecies of doom will be denied by my pride. you may be right, and my future may be dark indeed. but my tears shall be dropped anywhere else.

11:43 PM 0 comments

 

who came first, the chicken or the egg?

if every religion defines his god as the true one, and if there are many religions, can there be a true god? or are they all fakes? after all, even those who believe, for example, in jesus christ, believe in many different ways. how can this be, if god is, as it is said, only one? centuries of theories, of doubts, of religious wars, just to end up without knowing anything but one thing: by this time, even god doesn't know whether he created mankind, of if it was mankind who created god. and just as the old chicken and egg paradox, that question is meant to remain unaswered.

after all, in one thing all religions and cults agree: it is all a matter of belief.

9:11 PM 0 comments

 

a stranger far from home

i lived in this small village in the very end of the world for eighteen years. i was born here. i have grown up here. i have made my first friends here, at school. in many ways, here i became what i am today. yet today i am a stranger here. i go to a public place and most people stare at me as if i am a newcomer, maybe as someone who changed so much that they can no longer recognize. and that is not due for my departure and pursuit of higher studies. i started to become a stranger in my last year living here - when i started to shape my personality. i started to like different things, to have different interests, to appreciate different companies. young people in small places are very closed. most of times, the only bond between them is a common interest. those who dare to assume their differences and live with them become pariahs, oucasts. strangers at their very home.

4:07 PM 0 comments

 

April 14, 2006

but if i go to hell, well then i hope i burn well*

someone seems to be afraid of going to hell one day for not devoting her life to god's ways. worry not, sweetheart, hell is far funnier that the pure and sin-free heaven. sex? if sin wasn't the way, why would eve have eaten the apple? you'd find heaven to be boring, hun. besides, all interesting people is rotting in hell. let's consider music, for example. in heaven, we might have.... bethoveen, mozart? in hell, we have kurt cobain, sublime, alice in chains, beatles, drowning pool and sepultura..!

*blood hound gang, fire, water, burn.

9:42 PM 0 comments

 

April 13, 2006

useless.

12:43 AM 1 comments

 

home.

after some months i found out the same buildings, the same dirt on the same streets. the same people. and then again, the same empty talks, the same circumstancial words. the same boredom. whoever said it was good to go back home surely never lived in my town.

12:26 AM 0 comments

 

April 12, 2006

the purest form of life

your hesitating words drew a wide smile in my lips. i wasn't expecting anything that kind, that sweet, that... full of love? surely. i know you feel more, even more than your words revealed. it was a glimpse. of your heart.

it is due to spring, they say. no. spring can never explain something like that. pure love doesn't need a special occasion, a day to be celebrated, a radiant morning and a glorious sunset. pure love can walk in a blasted wasteland without getting thirsty, without sunburns. pure love can walk through the most intense rain without getting soaked. pure love can swim a thousand seas without drown. pure love can traverse the skies, high between the stars, without rush, without vertigo, without fear. like a god.

yet we are no gods. we're just in love. the purest form of life.

3:24 AM 0 comments

 

ironically,

what defines us as living beings is anything but the fact that we eventually die.

3:20 AM 1 comments

 

(ex) best friend

and suddenly we wake up to realize that we can't have but a couple of empty, circumstancial words with someone who had grown up with us. with whom we shared either our good and our bad moments. in who we relied more than anyone else. then we are invaded by an imense sorrow, by a neverending feeling of loss. time becomes a time of loss indeed.

yet it also becomes a time of revelations. because a friendship may be built upon many sunny days, but it is only true and strong if it is not reduced to those circumstancial words after the storm. even if it was shaken by every random drop of pouring rain.

3:12 AM 0 comments

 

April 07, 2006

weather forecast

there are promising days: you wake up, open the window and see the most glorious morning. inevitably your lips draw a smile, believing that the sun bathing your face is the herald of joy for the coming day. until the moment you leave home, and realize that the once blue sky is covered with gray clouds, selfishly hiding the sun behind them. the cold wind blowing from nowhere and everywhere at the same time forces a chill through your spine. and the sudden drops or pouring rain makes you realize that your colorful spring clothes makes you feel barely naked against the elements. then the promise of the sunny morning is gone, and all the excited thought "what can happen to me today? everything, hope" is replaced by "what else can happen to me today? everything, it seems..."
i love to feel the rain in my skin. yet i can't stop hating these days. i don't care if i live in illusion or delusion. just don't brake either of them.

8:58 PM 2 comments

 

April 06, 2006

bittersweet irony

it is rather sweet when i wake up in the morning feeling a cold, soft rain falling. mosto of times i get a thunderstorm by the evening and a blizzard at late night.

12:32 PM 0 comments

 

April 02, 2006

dream denial

probably, the right thing to do now was to leave. to give up. to walk alone again. i would hurt you again, but it would be the last time. then i would vow myself to loneliness, to a lonely and sorrowful path, until despair finally took me over. but i would never hurt anyone again. i would never disappoint anyone again. i would simply leave with the memories of love and joy, promises of a radiant sunny day that quickly ran away when the first gray clouds formed in the distant skies. of a sweet place, bigger than myself, for what i longed every single day, but where i have no right to be.

9:51 PM 0 comments

 

sinner anyway

i don't know how is the god's judgement, but i know pretty well how men judge other men. one may do everything right; when he fails, no one will remember his or her good deeds. one may do everything wrong; when we do something right, there will be no one to praise him. and, after all these years, i still don't know what is my side of this paradox.

9:11 PM 0 comments

 

April 01, 2006

suicide note

tonight my soul is so empty that i can feel every inch of it. i can feel its very dephts while a chill of vertigo rushes trough my veins. tonight i have fallen, i'm down in the ground, as my face is battered by the cold falling rain, as my thoughts generate a huge whirlwind deep inside of me. tonight i was murdered - you killed me in cold blood, mercilessly. you sent me down to the burning hell when all i wanted was to give you the bluest of the skies.

goodbye. i will fly with the birds.

3:14 AM 1 comments

 

another one

that's what you see
i'm gathering parts
you're treasurng someone
you barely know
medicines for pain
then full details
in a single act show
i'm letting you
i'm chasing another
i'm dreaming another one
another one

(blind zero)

3:11 AM 0 comments

 

chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

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