what is ethics anyway?

"don't do to the others what you wouldn't like to be done to yourself" was the first "rule" i've learned in my ethics class. and then it came the "mother's paradigm", "don't do to the others what you wouldn't like to be done to your mother". or something like this, whatever. anyway, this is stupid, i said in the class, much for the astonishment of either the teacher and the rest of the students. if i am walking down the street and see a friend of mine being robbed, i may call for help or even go there to beat the thief. if i see the same thief robbing an unknown, i won't risk my life; i will call the police instead. i was branded as selfish after this statement. but truly, who wants to be a hero nowadays?

after almost a week, i can finally say this:

tool are indeed a great band.

old habits seldom die

on my table tonight: rice cooked by myself, my everyday meal, with a special chicken cooked by my mom (who cooks the best chicken in the world). water, from the tap (quite a shame not to taste a red wine or even a beer with this wonderful chicken, but there is a hierarchy even when it comes to luxury). and this comic album. miller, who else? old habits seldom, if ever, die.

vices

there are no vices without money. and for that reason, the importance of a vice in our lives is not measured by how often we let ourselves go with it, but for what we do with them when we are short of money: the weaker vices are always cast aside when we can only afford the more important ones.

*this to explain why i ended up without beer or red wine for my dinner tonight, while i still have cigarrettes in my pocket. but just a few.

attrition

wars can be lost through attrition.

the inversion of the subject

teacher: very well. does anyone knows when can we use the inversion of the subject?
me: well, we can use it in questions.
teacher: in questions?
me: don't we?

pride?

him: is it me who doesn't want to save it?
her: it is you who doesn't understand.
him: and what about you, have you ever tried to explain it? to say it simply, without half-words and double meanings?
her: no. and i will never do it.

the end game

dangerous game, the one they play. in all their pride they cannot see the obvious - that the game was not made to have one winner, but two losers.

Ænema

some say a comet will fall from the sky.
followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.
some say the end is near.
some say we'll see armageddon soon.
i certainly hope we will
i sure could use a vacation from this
stupid shit, silly shit, stupid shit...

(...)

cuz i'm praying for rain
and i'm praying for tidal waves
i wanna see the ground give way.
i wanna watch it all go down.
(...)
i wanna see it go right in and down.
i wanna watch it go right in.

time to bring it down again.
don't just call me pessimist.
try and read between the lines.
i can't imagine why you wouldn't
welcome any change, my friend.
i wanna see it come down.
suck it down.
suck it down.
flush it down.

(tool)

teardrop

and suddenly i wish that my bitter tears can engulf me in darkness and carry me into another world... to a green blue world where i could sit in the soft grass hearing flocks of birds singing all day long. where i could run to the hills bathed in sun beams, feeling the warm breeze in my face. where i could sit i the sandy beaches, along the coastline, and stare at the sunset, as if twilight was eternal. where shooting stars exploded in the starlit skies at night... but all that is long gone, destroyed by my own hands. drowning in grief, chocking in pride, i was driven mad, and my recklessness would be the demise of all i held dear, of all that made me happy.

i can see all that in a teardrop, as i feel myself being surrounded by darkness. by the same darkness that embraced me so many times before. unfortunately, the world i'm being carried into is different than the one i miss. it's a dead world.

two years

in two years i shall mourn for my present, by then a long gone past. now, it is time to mourn for what is long lost.

the only thing about my bad times...

... is that negativity has always been a source of inspiration. it is not enough to make me smile, but it allows me a little bit of fresh air while i'm drowning slowly, down into the darkness.

abyss

once again i came here, only to stare at an empty screen. the water is boiling, i must go look after it. there is no reply from you. only unspoken words in an uninterrupted silence that tells me more than i ever wanted to hear. and so the gap between keeps its way, making us be further away from each other. and if it keeps going, one day we won't ear us, not even if we cry out to the skies.

(lost) hope

there's still hope left. it's hope that drives me sleepless, that makes me come back every waking moment seeking for an empty word, no matter how damaging that word could be. an empty word that could save me from this darkness and madness and dizzyness. yet, more damaging than the words said, are the words that are never spoken.

bus (II)

this time was different. i didn't feel my chest burning empty. the sorrow was the mere result of the fact that this time, instead of staying safe and warm in your hands, my heart came with me.

wrong

there will be gains from our losses
there will be rights from our wrongs.

i just hope that somewhere there will be rights from my wrongs

could be worse. a lot worse.

we always learn from our mistakes. if we cannot go back and make the wrong things right, at least we are given the oportunity to never again repeat the same wrongs.

murphy law

murphy was doubtlessly right. when one thing goes wrong, everything else will go wrong.