thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] the hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody has decided not to see. [ayn rand]


May 30, 2010

Rural warfare

It's one thing I'm missing, but so far I couldn't help it: I never played paintball. I would love to, I've been willing to do it for many years, but for some reason I never did. However, back in the village days, when the world moved slower and the days were longer, my friends and I managed to do something of the sort. Of course, paintball is an expensive sport, and none of us had money to even dream of acquiring a marker. But inventive as we were, we managed to have fun in our own peculiar ways. East of the village there was - and still is - this wide forest area, spanning over several hills covered with tall eucalyptus trees and low, dry bushes of many sorts, for such trees never allow for an exuberant flora. We knew the forest tracks as the palms of our own hands, for we had covered it all on bike; and in no time we start using the area as our own battlefield. Lacking the markers, we used plastic tubes, usually found in construction sites; and with paper, we crafted special darts, that we'd blow through the tubes. At first, each of us used only one tube; but as time went by, our arsenal became more sophisticated. I, for example, had a double-barrel gun (a crafty weapon made with two parallel tubes and duct tape); a friend had a square gun with four tubes; and a neighbour went even further, and with the help of some extra materials, managed to craft an eight-barrel gun, that looked like a Gatling Gun and fired paper darts just like one. Once everyone had weapons and ammunition, we'd split through different teams, run to the forest... and start the war. We could play it in many ways. Usually one team would go first, and the other would hunt the enemies down. Usually this ended in ambushes - my team was usually outnumbered, but we had better weapons and, truth be told, the best players, being the older guys around. Once, for example, we went to a crossroad in the middle of the forest, and made quick hideouts with broken branches and leaves; laying down under the dry foliage, we locked and loaded... and waited. They had to pass there while searching for us. And eventually they did, the whole lot of them, seeking protection in number. None of them saw us, but we saw them all - and once we burst out of our hiding places, they were all "dead". In the game, of course. There was another occasion when both teams met in a low area by a lake, and for over one hour a fierce war went on, with people hiding behind bushes and stones. But after a while, our favourite sport became an "assault on the fortress" game. There was this hill without trees or high bushes, and the ruined walls of an old house on the top, its ceiling collapsed years before. Once, my team was finding a hideout, and we noticed the ruins. Once inside, we could wait within the protection of the old mortar walls. The other team couldn't spot us up there, so we had to make sure they saw us; and once they came swarming uphill, the fight began. They were defeated, of course, and cursed us for being protected; so we asked them to stay there, while we would be the ones invading. Which we did with great success, for shortly after our rush none of them was "alive". This was our rural warfare, our own way of killing time during the weekends, and even during the long and hellish-hot summer holidays.
Eventually we quit the game, but it was one thing that I've always missed doing it. Rural warfare seems an appropriate way to describe what we did.

3:16 PM 2 comments

 

May 20, 2010

The road(s) of damnation



There was a summer, a long time ago, a long-forgotten summer, whose soundtrack was this song. Everynight. At the exact same time. The pub owner always played it; it was his favourite song, he told me once. He could be running crappy music all night, and I'd endure it; the alcohol would help, and I knew that at four a.m., never a minute more, never a minute less, this song would save the night and carry me away. It was a warm summer, that one. I remember the expectations building up from months to the very day of its beginning, only to see everything in my life crashing down. It mattered little. Back then I was brilliant, bold and brazen. I feared nothing. I was better than anyone I knew. Invincible. I was at my prime, I reached my apex during those nights. I didn't care that my life had just been shattered on the dusty floor. I knew that I'd pick up every little shard and made it anew in no time. And I did. And I did. While listening to this song.

8:10 PM 2 comments

 

May 19, 2010

12:40 PM 0 comments

 

May 17, 2010

Forgetting

The days go on and on, and I keep forgetting the blog. Maybe because I have no other choice.

11:33 AM 0 comments

 

May 11, 2010

Clean farewell

I could not go back if I wanted to - and luckily, I never did. Once it was over it was over; I moved on, leaving the past in the past, right where (or when) it belonged. Sometimes I wonder why other farewells in my life were not as clean as that one.

12:45 PM 5 comments

 

May 09, 2010

Popcorn

I said I wouldn't be the one passing judgement, and I don't intend to. I said I wouldn't take any sides, and I still intend to stick to it. Nevertheless, I knew that shit would hit the fan one day - it was just a matter of time. I would rather not know anything about it, but I do; and I don't intend to be caught on it now. That said, I think it's time to get the popcorn ready. The show is just about to start.

2:49 AM 0 comments

 

May 03, 2010

You're coming down with me

I will never be able to understand what makes someone sacrifice oneself for someone else's sake. Especially when one does it for revenge.

12:38 PM 0 comments

 

Insult

I'm not becoming randian or anything of the sort. I just don't believe one can live for someone else's sake. That's not a living, but an insult on life.

12:19 PM 0 comments

 

quoth the raven (L):

Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.

Joan D. Vinge, The Snow Queen (1980)

12:15 PM 0 comments

 

chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

Powered by Blogger