thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] [life] is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. [shakespeare]


November 30, 2005

thought of the day

"fuck, what the hell."

2:04 PM 1 comments

 

November 29, 2005

glass cannon

d. was a strong person - one of those ever present, ever ready to say the right word in the right moment. yet he was like a glass cannon - always ready do defend the most righteous causes and to strenghten the weak, but too fragile to take the slightest damage.

8:47 PM 0 comments

 

loud

intentions mean nothing when your deeds speak louder.

3:07 AM 0 comments

 

loss is a white emptiness

2:53 AM 0 comments

 

when the world ends

we're gonna dive into the emptiness
we'll be swimming
i’m going to walk you through the pathless roads
i’m going to take you to the top of the mountain that’s no longer there
i’m going to take you to bed
and love you, i swear
like the end is here

i’m going to take you up to
i’m going to take you down on you
i’m going to hold you like an angel, angel

i’m going to love you
i’m going to love you
when the world ends
i’m going to hold you
when the world is over
we’ll just be beginning...


(dave matthews' band)

2:33 AM 0 comments

 

November 27, 2005

not sure

we are never sure of anything. we do not know if we are ready to face life when she knocks on our door? guess we are never ready, and when the time comes, we may be driven either by fear or courage. we can never be sure if the moment has arrived, or if we are ready for it. and, for what is worth, it doesn't really matter.

12:43 PM 0 comments

 

phylosophy out of a friend's messenger nickname (II)

"when you finally get what you wanted, do you still want what you got..?"

12:42 PM 0 comments

 

November 25, 2005

phylosophy out of a friend's messenger nickname (I)

"everything will be fine in the end. if it's not fine, then it's not the end."

7:15 PM 0 comments

 

November 24, 2005

fear.

they were almost like twins - if she was happy, he was happy. if she was sad, he was sad. yet he never noticed that she had indeed a twin - an evil, dark shadow, hiding inside her, always whispering in her ears that something was wrong even when everything seemed perfect.
the shadow's name was "fear".

11:45 PM 0 comments

 

November 23, 2005

for what is worth

"if you'd known this was going to happen... would you have done it?"

"i would rather have had one breath of her hair... one kiss of her mouth... one touch of her hand... than an eternity without it."

"one."

(city of angels)

1:55 AM 0 comments

 

November 22, 2005

wrath

some days should be left untouched. unknown. instead of waking up in the early morning to face the sun, we should remain quietly in our shadowy solitude and wrap ourselves thight in the blankets. as if everything was warm, peaceful and perfect.

1:28 PM 1 comments

 

November 21, 2005

heartbeat

they say that destruction is the work of an afternoon, while creation is the work of a lifetime. but all that matters is nothing but a mere second - a heartbeat when history begins and ends, when hope is reborn or when we take the fall.

7:13 PM 0 comments

 

agnosticism

i met my maker, i made him cry
and on my shoulder he asked me why
his people won't fly through the storm
i said "listen up, man, they don't even know you're born"

(oasis)

7:10 PM 0 comments

 

November 19, 2005

a postmort misunderstanding

in life, k. had been a celebrated poet, and is immortal poems were studied in literature classes many years after his demise. his words were sad, full of sorrow, whispering about loss and forsaken dreams, about fallen love and deception, about rising hate and utter despair. and those were the meanings the teacher taught to her students year after year. what she never dreamed of was that k. had the most wonderful life, and that his words never spoke about the way his life had been indeed - but the way his life could have been.

6:54 PM 0 comments

 

darkness or light

in darkness, we see few things; but the things we see, we see exactly as they are. in light, we see a whole world. but every little thing casts a shadow, that is, in the end, neither the pure reflection of the real thing, nor another entirely different thing - but something in between. in the light, we see two realities that cannot exist by themselves - and so we eventually get confused by them (what is real?). darkness is a single reality, hard to see, but full of feelings. feelings that we forget quite often in the daylight.

6:00 PM 0 comments

 

seize the day

"there is nothing to explain. only to feel."

5:49 PM 0 comments

 

a thousand miles

if i could fall
into the sky,
do you think time
could pass me by?
'cause you know i'd walk a thousand miles
if i could just see you,
if i could just hold you,
tonight . . .


(vanessa carlton)

5:42 PM 0 comments

 

November 18, 2005

something to think about

“Passions can’t be tackled by laws or mastered with logic. The choice is freedom or death.”

12:47 AM 1 comments

 

doubt

i dreamt with you last night - a misty scenario, familiar and yet unknown, real and yet impossible. night had fallen, it was raining. there was no cold outside us. we were just losing each other, without knowing how or why. without a close goodbye or just a distante wave of farewell. there was no whispers to the missing moon, nor the salt from tears melting with the sudden bitter rain falling from the dark skies. there was nothing - nothing but an overwhelming sorrow, coming out of nowhere, consuming me, burning inside me, barely exploding inside my chest. i suddenly woke up, frightened, haunted - and where were you..?

12:26 AM 0 comments

 

November 17, 2005

through the looking glass

s. enjoyed to stare at herself in the mirror early in the morning. then she was aware of her beauty, and she smiled. but one morning the power went off when she was looking to herself, and she screamed. for in the darkness her smiling silhouete became dark, as if her inner and most secret soul had left her body and walked through the looking glass.

10:48 PM 0 comments

 

suicide note II

if i run to the hills in a stormy night and cry out loud, who is going to hear me?

8:45 PM 2 comments

 

learn

alanis morissette sings something like this: "you live, you learn / you love, you learn / you cry, you learn / you lose, you learn / you bleed, you learn / You scream, you learn". well, the girl is obviously right. we learn many things as we face the different situations that are the essence of our lives. the question is, if we learn so much, why do we keep failing and why do we keep doing the very same mistakes? or why do we have always the very same doubts about the very same things..?

12:09 AM 1 comments

 

November 16, 2005

failure . . . .

. . . . , as love could be described this way: "ever tried. ever failed. no matter. [try again.] fail again. fail better."
(unknown author)

4:01 PM 2 comments

 

November 15, 2005

take it for granted

to take something for granted is the quickest and easiest way to lose it.

4:23 PM 0 comments

 

November 14, 2005

paid in the destination

my subconscious mind is sending messagens to my conscious mind. so far, there's nothing new about this fact - it keeps doing it all the time. thing is, now my subconscious' messages are paid in the destination.

3:33 PM 0 comments

 

mais tout cela ne vaut pas le poison qui découle de tes yeux,
de tes yeux verts...
lacs où mon âme tremble et se voit à l'envers...
mes songes viennent en foule pour se desalterer à ces gouffres amers...

but all that is not worth the prodigy of you saliva, my love,
that bites my soul and dizzies it,
and swirls it down remorselessly,
rolling it, fainting, to the underworld!


(jill and nikopol, immortel (ad vitam))

2:17 PM 0 comments

 

November 13, 2005

paradox

hope. it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.

(the architect, the matrix reloaded)

11:59 PM 1 comments

 

paint it black

i look inside myself and see my heart is black
i see my red door and it has been painted black
maybe then i'll fade away and not have to face the facts
it's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black
no more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
i could not foresee this thing happening to you
(rolling stones)

9:39 PM 0 comments

 

something inside

she remained all alone in the terminal, with his last kiss in her lips, as the train went away, taking his love to distant battlefields. he had never said that he loved her. and when he left, he hadn't said goodbye. yet something inside her chest kept telling her that he was never coming back.

1:43 PM 0 comments

 

on mute

sometimes, when you say nothing, you say it all.

2:22 AM 1 comments

 

November 11, 2005

(lack of) faith

"kierkegaard reminds us that faith has nothing to do with how or when". indeed those questions have nothing to do with the faith. no matter in what we believe - be it god, heaven, hell, love, friendship,human beings -, we have no way to explain that. yet we can't avoid thinking about that all the time. as we can't avoid losing our faith sometimes.

4:35 PM 0 comments

 

life's a game. a game of illusions and deception. we walk this world as if it was a labytinth of mirrors, where we see our souls and the others'. but even those images are nothing more than that: images. figures. shadows that reveal not the true soul, but how that soul seems to be. even our choices are illusions. we don't have that choice; we just believe we do. and that makes us feel stupidly happy, as if we were the lords of our own destiny. we are blind by it, unable to realize the simplest truth. we are not free. we are not meant to be free.
the only thing we can choose in life's game is the way we play it. the way we see the shimmering illusions that haunt us every time. the way we walk towards them. as a matter of fact, it is the same thing, to believe them or not. we cannot win. we aren't meant to win. we'll end up in the same way. naked, free falling into the cold, eternal sleep. no escape. we are the wicked, and we have no rest.
is it worth then? maybe yes. maybe no. each one may find an answer. for what is worth, i think it is "yes". we live. we fall into shadow. we leave the shadows behind. and so on. we must never be afraid to live. for that will be the ultimate difference in the last moment - if we fall into the endless sleep as winners or as losers.

3:49 PM 1 comments

 

"i went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.
i wanted to live deep
and suck out all the marrow of life.
to put to rout all that was not life,
and not, when I had come to die,
discover that I had not lived."

(henry david thoreau, the dead poets society)

2:25 PM 1 comments

 

November 10, 2005

silence

all i ever wanted
all i ever needed
is here, in my heart
words are very
unnecessary
they can only do harm

(depeche mode)

10:07 PM 1 comments

 

never change

m. always believed that it was better to live certain of what he had than to live in the uncertainty about what he didn't have. but he was never sure about what he really had.

7:00 PM 1 comments

 

gray

not raining doesn't mean that the sun is shining.

5:56 PM 0 comments

 

“truth, the fifth myth of reality: every truth holds the seed of betrayal.”

12:49 AM 0 comments

 

November 09, 2005

a different past

b. visited the oracle to ask about his future. what he had never dreamt was that the he had no future - only a past. whether that past was his own or not, even the oracle couldn't guess.

11:59 PM 0 comments

 

wandering eyes

five shades of green - known to everyone but to himself - secretely hiding whole worlds, forsaken dreams, words never said.

6:45 PM 0 comments

 

a memory from the darkside

i look through the morning bus' window. empty streets, never ending roads, clouded lights. a sleeping city beyond the wall of glass, surrounding me in its silent embrace without felling me. without even touching me. i feel nothing. i feel myself as if i am nothing. nothing in this moment, as my sad, empty eyes sees the city passing outside. nothing as i hear the regular noise of those who, oblivious to my presence, to my being, share that space with me. but not a feeling. not a dream.

alone. i am alone with everyone.

i step outside the bus somewhere. i look around; nothing that i know. like a free fall. i turn my eyes to the bus that, oblivious to me, resumes its trip and goes away. as if i had never been there. what do i feel? the world passes me by as i stay behind.

12:18 AM 0 comments

 

November 08, 2005

not blind nor deaf

the crowd may seem blind and deaf, but only when we want to go unnoticed. for when we really need its oblivion, it watches us with a thousand eyes and hears us with a thousand ears.

5:23 PM 1 comments

 

cervantes revisited

the old paladin was growing tired of fighting windmills, of seeking the golden castles they might hide inside. yet, when he was about to give it up, he found a new one - one that would be unnoticed by everyone, but that showed some promise to his weathered eyes - of a whole realm of beautiful princesses and fire dragons, of dire adventures and great perils. he just forgot that such a mill was far, too far from his world - deep in the heart of the cold, bleak north.

2:09 PM 0 comments

 

November 07, 2005

devotion, the second myth of reality: the faithful are most hurt by the objects of their faith.

11:43 PM 1 comments

 

auguries of innocence

"to see a world in a grain of sand
and a heaven in a wild flower
hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour."
(william blake)

10:34 AM 0 comments

 

November 06, 2005

if

here in portugal there is a saying that can be roughly translated this way: "who wants to win everything ends up losing everything". but sometimes we shall risk losing everything - otherwise, how can we dream about winning anything..?

11:57 PM 1 comments

 

the time is white

the old man was worried, lost in his inner concerns. "i just hope i won't stay here much longer", he says, showing his ever trembling hand that never stops trembling, as the autumn leaves that outlived the fall and dare - in vain - survive the cold winter. "my life was hard". he smiled. "the hair knows. it tells the whole story."
i looked to his hair. pure white, as eternal snow in the highest peaks. older than time itself.

10:37 PM 0 comments

 

November 03, 2005

the eye of the storm

i'm not sure if everyone remembers it, but in the early 90's there was a boy's band (that was more a girl's band, for they were the ones who really loved their songs) that gathered a legion of fans across the world. then, a rebel and quite arrogant lad named robbie williams suddenly left, and shattered the band in his wake. not that i really like his songs, or even take that's, but it's somehow ironic that now the rebel one returned, has gathered an even greater legion of fans and has won a wide collection of music awards in the last years. there is still justice in the world after all. in music, as in life itself, the fate belongs not to those who give up when the storm comes, but to those who dare defy thunder and lightning just to find their right place in the very eye of the storm.

10:32 PM 0 comments

 

tunnel

despite the darkness that surrounds him, he can now see a tiny light far, far away. a beacon of hope or the sudden urge of the next nightmare? there is no way to know. for that distant star can be either the way out of darkness or the next train coming, ready to take him down once more.

9:13 PM 1 comments

 

talent

d. had but a single talent. his skill to say the wrong things in the wrong moment was unmatched.

2:09 AM 0 comments

 

November 02, 2005

differences cannot be explained

"once, there was this girl who
wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room .
but when they finally made her
they saw birthmarks all over her body.
she couldn't quite explain it,
they'd always just been there."


(crash test dummies)

6:34 PM 2 comments

 

keep this in mind:

not supporting something doesn't necessarily means being against it. also, being agaist something doesn't necessarily means supporting it's opposite. in fact, it doesn't even mean that there is indeed an opposite.

3:34 PM 1 comments

 

November 01, 2005

live every day as if it was the last one

eventually it will be indeed the last one.

9:03 PM 0 comments

 

the day of the dead

the day of the dead is the day of the past. the day of those who once walked this world - some with us, some even before us. it is also the day of the living - of each one of us, who remember the past knowing that one day we'll be part of it. they say that the future belongs to us. but the future doesn't exist until the very moment it becomes present. and, when we grow aware of that, it is no longer present - but past.

8:44 PM 1 comments

 

chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

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