thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] the hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody has decided not to see. [ayn rand]


July 20, 2011

Closed

It took a rather drastic step to put an end to it, but I suppose it was done for good. In a way it is sad, but, as many (most) sad things in life, it was also necessary.

5:10 PM 0 comments

 

July 18, 2011

Peer pressure

I can't stand peer pressure. Not because I fall prey to it easily - I don't, I still know how and when to say "no" -, but because I find it so terribly annoying. As if we're supposed to do the same that everyone else in the group is doing regardless of our feelings, of our likes and of our disliikes. As if being with a group (of colleagues, of friends, take a pick) made our individual selves to dissolve into the "collective" mind and will of the group. Which is funny, for the group is never truly collective in its will; it derives from a single mind and will or, at best, from the agreement of two, and strengthens itself with the support of others. So "the group" decides to go clubbing, and one who happens to hate clubbing will have to go along as well. Fuck that, I say. Fuck the group and the pressure.

What's even more interesting is the way peer pressure, when deflected, turns into emotional blackmail. Each person within the group takes the refusal personal when it isn't. It's actually seldom personal. More often than not, whoever says no to the group doesn't do it because he or she doesn't like the group and the people within it, but rather because he or she feels like doing something else and doesn't care about doing whatever the group is doing. It is merely a personal choice - never a personal attack. The group never settles with that though; first they try to persuade, then they try to compromise, only to have one of the parts breaking up at last, knowing that the broken part will never be happy about it. I don't particularly like the idea that belonging to a group means sacrificing, especially when I'm not really willing to sacrifice or to have others doing it for me. That's why I despise peer pressure. It's never fair to anyone, and it seems to be nothing but a slow but sure way of breeding resentment.

3:01 PM 0 comments

 

July 17, 2011

This:

Beth Gibbons, of Portishead, playing two nights ago. If that wasn't beautiful then I don't know what beauty is all about, really.

6:47 PM 0 comments

 

Now to get back to reality

The summary of the last three days, by this order: Portishead, Arcade Fire, Elbow, The Strokes, Walkmen and Slash & his friends playing Guns' old classic Sweet Child o' Mine.

6:24 PM 0 comments

 

Hindsight

We do never know what we'd be willing to do should things have gone differently. Our actions - our supposed actions - are always shrouded in mists. And it is so easy to talk to the past in the present about a future that has never come to pass.

1:59 PM 0 comments

 

July 16, 2011

The only answer

It doesn't matter whether you say the truth or a lie. It doesn't matter whether people believe you or not. All that matters is that they accept whatever you chose to say knowing that it is the only answer they're ever going to get.

3:55 PM 0 comments

 

July 12, 2011

Magical thinking

What you want is the best of both worlds. Is to eat the cake and have the cake too. You do know, though, that such is impossible outside the realm of magical thinking. We always have to make choices, and sooner or later, those choices force us to compromise - or else. We can deceive ourselves into thinking that such compromise will never arrive, that it will be possible after all (and despite everything), that we will be able to pull it through, that we'll find someone that thinks just as we do. It is sheer deception - or, if you prefer a little sugar-coating, it is magical thinking - as we are deceiving ourselves into thinking that we think like that, when we don't. In some things, we're just like everyone else, we fall prey to the so-called "human nature" just the same. We might pretend we don't, we might believe with all our heart that we are different - deep down, we're the same, we think the same, we feel the same. From this point forward, all illusions are pretty irrelevant.

4:08 PM 0 comments

 

July 10, 2011

When wrong is right

The context is different, so the word carries a different meaning, I was told. Well, a wrong is a wrong, if you ask me - and it's not because the Queen of England says it is right that it becomes right. Anyway. The context is what determines whether a word is right or wrong. Does that mean that, if I call someone a bitch or an asshole, will it be the context to determine whether it shall be offensive or not?

11:20 PM 0 comments

 

The Ministry of Silly Walks meets Web 2.0

I don't know what's more silly and annoying: the "like" from facebook or the "+1" from Google+.

11:10 PM 0 comments

 

Fade out

The enthusiasm has slowly faded out into oblivion. Happens with everything, I suppose, even if I can't help being surprised every time it happens.

9:38 PM 0 comments

 

July 09, 2011

Neutrality

Even though the boundaries are broken already, I have a feeling that things will become way worse later on. Right now there's still an army standing idle near the battlefield, completely neutral, without taking sides. But it might. Therefore, so far all I've had was a handful of raids across the border, without much consequence. The enemy fears that neutral army, shall it come to my side. However, sooner rather than later that army will have to leave. We're both aware of that. As we're both aware that, once that army is gone, our struggle is probably going to escalate into full-blown warfare. I have little doubts that I'm fighting on the losing side, but I suppose I couldn't - wouldn't - have it any other way.

11:19 AM 0 comments

 

July 03, 2011

Recall

I suppose that by now everyone has at least heard about some ideas and theories on how the Internet is making us dumb - in the sense that its unfocused, relentless hyperactivity and interactivity are changing our ways to connect and relate, our perception, our cognitive capacities, even our memory. You don't need to be familiar with Nicholas Carr's essays (although I strongly recommend them), nor do you need to read this article, also recommended, by Zadie Smith, to somehow feel that this is right, that there's indeed a difference. Try something else. For example, I've noticed that this year more friends than ever have forgotten my birthday. It's no big deal, I don't really celebrate it, but that's just the point: as I don't celebrate it, I don't advertise it; and as I don't advertise it - by inviting people to a party or something like a drink after work, or by doing something as simple as displaying by date of birth on Facebook -, people do not remember it, even those that have been quite close friends for many years (a handful of them for more than one decade). Another interesting exercise is to pick up our cell phone contact list, browse through it and see how many phone numbers we have memorized. Not many, I'm afraid. Hell, I'm positive that quite a lot of people don't even know their boyfriend's or girlfriend's phone number without looking it up (I know my girlfriend's phone number by memory, but it is not really a good example as we've been close friends for many years - but to be fair, I currently don't know the phone number of several of my best friends). We no longer need to memorize anything, not a damned thing - everything is within reach of a keystroke, a mouse click, to be displayed prettily on a screen. Friends' brithdays, important phone numbers, anything - we don't need to remember, we just need to click and our virtual, surrogate memory will give it to us; and if it doesn't, well, then perhaps it is not that important. But if we think back just a little, we'll remember a time when we could memorize in our own real memory the birthdays of almost all our friends (everyone forgets a handful of them, and truth be told I'm not the best people to preach on memory and recalling capabilities) and the phone numbers of at least our closest circle of relationships. We can argue that nowadays, with all the technology seamlessly surrounding us, we don't need to recall. But the question is: don't we?

On a sidenote, I'm not actually pissed with those who forgot my birthday or don't know my phone number - it is really not important, but let's face it, it can make quite an interesting topic of conversation - or digression, perhaps.

1:45 PM 0 comments

 

July 02, 2011

Excuses

I remember a moment a long time ago. A moment that is likely forgotten by everyone present but me. I remember the contempt on one, the guilty silence on other, the passive, almost indifferent stare on another. I remember words lashing out like whips, furious and uncaring. I do remember the ugly truth that emerged from the silence - one that shall it had been summoned by me, it would have wrecked it all with a bang. I kept it for myself though, and watched silently as the inevitable excuse was brought up. "I don't want you to think it is like that", it was said, a futile attempt to save a face that, although righteous, could no longer be saved. That is the nature of such excuses: instead of making something right they do a greater wrong, instead of bringing relief they only bring up the unnamable. I see someone doing it all over again, lashing out fiercely and not without reason; but when facing the wall of silence, along comes the old excuse, self righteous and false like all excuses are.

6:55 PM 0 comments

 

chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

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