thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] when life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequilla. [unknown]


October 31, 2011

A little help to the readers:

Happy Halloween!

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Fly high (2)

Truth be told, one can argue that to fly is simply not to fall (yet), and that landing is nothing but falling under (relative) control.

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October 30, 2011

Lady Winter

So basically Lady Winter stepped in to kick old Summer's warm ass, so that we could have a proper Autumn. The seasons are not messed up. They just act as a sort of a dysfunctional family, that's all.

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Fly high (1)

All flying lessons are, at first, falling lessons, as one must learn how to fall first. Gravity makes it logical, of course, and our first flight happens when we want to fall no more. The usefulness of the falling lessons, however, is not spent once we fly high for the first time. We can conquer the skies, but we must not forget the price of such conquest, of such folly: everyone falls from the skies, a rule without exception.

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October 23, 2011

Charade

I know all too well what you're doing. I know it all for what it is: an excuse, and nothing more. I'll play along, as I too want to put and end to this charade.

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October 22, 2011

Dark shapes

So this is the first glimpse of the inevitable shadow. I'm glad to know its shape. In due time I'll know its size, its behavior, its way of thinking, its power. Then I'll know if I'm a match for it when the struggle is upon us, or if I should yield and take the road again.

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October 21, 2011

Better not

This whole notion of "when in doubt, ask" will most likely get me killed one day.

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October 20, 2011

Average

Over the course of this blog's six years, I've managed to post, in average, exactly one post per day. This is sheer coincidence, but a funny one at that.

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Long lost

I remember the last time I was there: my presence still lingered, the memories preserved by the tokens of old. Were I to return and surely I'd find everything changed as to no longer know the place. Perhaps the memories were removed from sight and locked away into a box to be forgotten in some dusty attic. It won't come to pass though; I shall never return to that forsaken place, as I shall not look for those memories any more. It's not that they still stir inside of me or hurt me in any way - they haven't for long years now. It is merely a choice, a purely rational choice. There's no need for me to return there, to remember that, to relive in a reverie a life long lost.

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October 18, 2011

Ghost shadows

She liked to watch the ghost shadows. No one ever saw her when she did it - for them, she was just another stranger going on her way somewhere. They were right so far - they only didn't imagine that she saw through them as their dark reflections were trapped in the glass surface, ghost shadows without a body under the cold and pale electric light. She could see shadows half-asleep and shadows fully awake. She could see moody shadows and shadows so light that they would likely shine were it not for the closing darkness of the wall beyond the glass. She could see loneliness, often sadness, seldom happiness, though it did happen sometimes. She could see fear. Of the unknown, of the next unseen shadow. She could see beauty, sometimes so incredible that even the artificial environment, with its pale light and surroundings, could not dim it - if anything, beauty was only enhanced in the shadow ghost, as beauty always is enhanced when one possesses the innocence of believing no one else can see it. She could see ugliness as well, and faces so vile that the shadows' dark visages made them grotesque. She saw everyone alike, and no shadow ever returned the gaze. She often wondered if one day, by chance, she would find a shadow staring back at them from the dark and the glass, and what would it meant.

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Six years

This blog was created exactly six years ago, after I watched the movie Fight Club at my university's auditorium. I think I've mentioned this here before (I always repeat myself), and truth be told I'm not even sure that there is any connection between the (great) movie and this blog. Still, I've never watched it again. And tonight seems a good night to fix that.

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October 13, 2011

Rubicon

It is an old conversation that has come back to me. We were talking, and I told you that I'm usuallyfine as long as the line between being fair and unfair was not crossed. Words unspoken: let that line be our own Rubicon - you can go there, you can even wash your soiled feet on its running waters, but once you cross it there is no way back, alea iacta est and all that. I never told you that, any more than I told you that you crossed the Rubicon at some moment, and it was the point of no return for me. I'm not sure if you did it willingly, but that's beyond me: you did it, and it couldn't be undone. It doesn't quite make our last words an act from my part - it merely meant that you had paid the price in blood and I didn't even have to get my hands dirty in the process.

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October 12, 2011

Harsh, but true:

"Magic wishes come from money, Prince Charming’s a shallow idiot with a bad haircut and overpriced clothes. And true love? Ha, true love is one-sided, Ace. You love her, she loves someone else. She loves you, you love someone else. Never quite works out does it? So you end up with some actor pretending to be your true love. Real considerate of someone to let you know reality was like that before being thrown into it. ‘If you wish, it’ll happen.’ Well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up faster. Welcome to reality. Enjoy your stay."

Now this is something I'd like to have written myself.

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October 11, 2011

Song

Of you, whom I once held in such high regard, nothing is left but a song. A good song, truth be told - I listen to it rather often. Not that I'm brooding over it - I really like it, in the most detached way possible. But it's curious to see how it is possible for someone to walk into our lives out of nowhere, leave considerable mark, and then vanish without a trace. You left a trace though, a good song that I love listening to. It's a shame the friendship couldn't remain alive as well, but I suppose that at this point I should count myself fortunate.

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October 10, 2011

Grunt

I could have found the appeal of a military career, only I never did. Nowadays it would probably be safer - in all ways - than any other, if what I hear from people I know who joined the army is true. But a military career could never be for me. True, my physical shape, or lack of it, would put me into some private hell, but that's not really the problem. Although most of the people I know who followed the military career are far from being the sharpest tools in the box, they can pull some discipline while there - and from the way I see it, discipline is everything in the military. Now more than the physical capability to do push-ups, I do lack any possible form of discipline. Shall my country ever get into a war, I'll probably have to go and be a grunt there - but I don't think I would rate much above grunt were I to be following the orders of some sergeant for God knows how many months in military drills.

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October 09, 2011

No credit

It's funny - and a little sad, I admit - that I've been regularly blogging for over eight years, and some of the best things I've ever published in a blog cannot be tracked back to me. I was a deal I made with myself, and I intend to stay true to it, even if it means that I have to hold the dirty end of the stick. But sometimes I'd like to point it out and say: I did it, and I know it's brilliant. It is brilliant indeed, even I was surprised with the result. But no one knows it is mine, and I can't tell anyone as I gave my word to myself. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes we have to stand for our principles.

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Life imitating art imitating life

Today's movies cannot be compared to the movies of old. Indeed they can't.

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October 08, 2011

Quoth the raven (LIII):

Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruistm. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort.

Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

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Answers

We leave far too many questions unanswered as we make our way through the paths of life. It is often frustrating, but we should truly be thankful for it. We wouldn't survive long were we to possess all the answers.

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October 05, 2011

Grace

The states of grace always fade away. It is not a question whether it will happen - but of when will it happen. So sooner or later I'll tumble down and walk in the mud just like all the others before me, the good deeds of the past forgotten by the failures of the present in the endless cycle of repitition and trial-and-error.

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October 04, 2011

Conditioned reflex

The fact that I cannot bring myself to say it, to name it out loud, to admit it to the sun and wind and rain, shows that some wounds do never truly heal. It's like a conditioned reflex, only the sound of the bells does not make me think of food. It makes me dread the lack of it.

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October 02, 2011

What they do not deserve

In many ways (and situations), the best way for us to get our small revenge is to give someone not what they deserve, but just what they don't deserve. If they were mean to us, we treat them kindly. If they were at fault with us, we do not fail them. It might seem silly at a glance, but it actually delivers in two different ways: by showing them (or everyone else) that we are not like them, and by the irony of the situation. And while irony might not win every confrontation, it certainly adds a touch of style.

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October 01, 2011

Caution

If anything, that whole ordeal thaught me to think not once, not twice but thrice before speaking. It didn't give me more patience, only more caution.

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chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

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