Escape velocity

As my mind blanked out into oblivion it let out a word. A single word. It was meaningless; for all intents and purposes, it was nothing but a word. There was no thought sustaining it, no idea giving it shape, no meaning to define it. And yet it was uttered in the wrongest moment of all, and as soon as it was out it reached escape velocity and went beyond all possible control. That was a long time ago; and yet, as of today that single, unintended word still robs me of my spontaneity, still keeps my mind from blanking out into oblivion again, still prevents me from letting myself go. Since that word was uttered, there is a part of me that has never slept; always awake, always aware, it has kept watch restlessly, guarding my mind from itself.

Headstart

The trick, as always, is to read between the lines. Those words were like a flare in the night, a warning that something is amiss, a foreshadow of doom. Everyone's days are numbered, it seems. I merely got something of a headstart.

Speaking in tongues

Sometimes I have the feeling that I speak a different language altogether.

Mirror, mirror

I don't think that we should feel the pain of someone else's hurts. That's rather extreme, if you ask me: if we can't help living vicariously, then we should aim for joy instead of grief. Both are illusions, but at least one of them doesn't hurt while it lasts. Anyway, I digress. We shouldn't feel someone else's pain. That, however, doesn't mean we shouldn't watch it and even learn something out of it. It is actually wise to do so. To watch what happens to those around us might give us a clue of what's in store for us. More often than not, we find ourselves squeezed into the same little boat, rowing for salvation.

Survival of the fittest

Richard Dawkins once wrote nature is not cruel, only pitiless indifferent. But nature evens it out by the "survival of the fittest" rule - the strongest, the most able, the most fit to survive do so, and those that cannot evolve don't. In society, the "survival of the fittest rule" also applies, but the concept of "fittest" has been corrupted over the years. Survival is no longer a matter of adaptation and ability, but rather a matter of opportunity, compromise, deception and flat-out treachery. Or perhaps these are not marks of corruption, but the exact qualities required to survive in society.

Changeling

Do we ever truly know anyone? Sometimes I find myself wondering in disbelief about some people I once knew. About how much they've changed, who they've become. There are those who believe that life can bring the most extreme changes. I for one believe that the seeds have always been there, bidding their time to bloom.

Gravedigger

In times of war, gravedigging might be an incredible business opportunity. Digging our own grave, however, might not be the best business idea - especially if chances are high that we'll tumble down into it.

Memory jar

Somethings cannot be put back together and become just as they were before the fall. We glued it back together carefully, the best we could. It is no longer a jar though, but a broken jar. Each imperfection added to its original shape holds the memory of the fall, of the fatal moment when it shattered into a thousand pieces. And despite our best efforts, it can never be the same.

Knives out

Sometimes blades are unsheated even before anything is said. It doesn't necessarily end up into a knife fight, but it definitely adds a certain edge do every word.

The trap

You know that spot between two people, when one tells you something about the other that you cannot tell the other? That tight little spot from where you can barely speak to one or to the other? I hate such spot. Ironically enough, I find myself trapped right there rather often.

The Sea and the Little Fishes

This time there was no end-of-year post. Nor there was any new-year post. As far as resolutions go, I'll make one this time, but I'll stick to the practical: 2012 will be the year when I start reading Terry Pratchett's Discworld.