April 30, 2008
flyer
and after so long, and after my wounds have healed (but can such wounds truly heal?), the old pain comes back everytime i see that little, insignificant piece of paper. like a memento of the day when i was stabbed and left in a cold, damp alley to die.
April 29, 2008
phylosopher's stone
and yet the book's best asset is the way it is written. without being too "heavy", they are easily read and can catch the attention and the curiosity of the reader - any reader - without any trouble. for a first book, the main characters are enough developed, and i'm curious to see what will the rest of the books bring. without being astonishing, it has been a good experience for a start.
song to the siren (III)
lured by the song of the siren. they lured the sailors to their doom. but what if the sailor wants to embrace his doom? what if he wants to turn his ship into a wreckage for a siren's song? and what if he sings his own song to the siren? driven by need, by sheer desire of a lone and erratic life, he might well be willing to try a last-ditch effort: to sing a song to the siren, to lure her into his drowning arms, to stay with her. he knows - oh, he knows - that he will die trying, whether she answers or not. and yet he sings. he sings to the siren, he brings her out of her rock, he sails to his death. all for a song.
gods, how i wished i could listen such a song.
April 28, 2008
song to the siren
on the floating, shapeless oceans
idid all my best to smile
'til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.
and you sang "sail to me, sail to me;
let me enfold you."
here i am, here i am waiting to hold you.
did i dream you dreamed about me?
were you here when i was full sail?
now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
for you sang, "touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
i'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
i'm as riddled as the tide.
should i stand amid the breakers?
or shall i lie with death my bride?
hear me sing: "swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"here i am. here i am, waiting to hold you."
April 24, 2008
fireworks and the giant leap
i do have, however, some very sweet memories of the 25th's night. i really do. fireworks and a giant leap into the supermassive black hole people call love. oh yes, i remember all too well.
and still about the "sacred cows"
and free will is the key here. we are free to believe or not. to pray or not. to go to the church or not. to follow god's laws or not. we are free to chose what to eat, what to wear (well, sort of), who to fuck (whishful thinking). we can chose whether we want to have children or not. given all this, why would an intelligent god (he has to be intelligent if he is the creator, right) demand from us a blind faith?
regarding christian values, well, nothing to say. good ones. tolerance, respect, yada yada. i'm all for that. and yet i'm not tolerant and respectful because i fear to burn in hell or because i want the heaven's gates wide open for me when i die. that's bullshit. i follow christian values not because of their origins, but because of what they mean. they are correct. as guidelines, they are nice for our daily lives with the ones around us (the portuguese writer eça de queiroz explains it very well in the novel os maias).
that said, someone with at least a half of the brain working cannot accept the existance of "sacred cows", i.e., subjects that cannot be the target of criticism and jokes. especially nowadays, when fanaticism about religion is getting common - and dangerous. if christian believers forget that, and if they start overreacting everytime someone jokes about their religion, that would make them nothing but fundamentalists. that would be like walking backwards. how can someone call for tolerance when one is not tolerant?
tolerance is a pretty concept. and "sacred cows" too.
anyway. i made a joke about jesus christ, and apparently someone got offended. i wonder if those offended by the joke i published have felt offended when they watched the life of brian movie, by monty python. and i'm left to think they don't understand the values they cherish so much. i mean, i'm not catholic, but my education was catholic (or christian at least) to a degree, so i understand some things. and i understand that according to the writings, christ was all for love and tolerance and understanding. that, if anything else, should give christians the ability to understand the difference between a joke and an attack, and should make them tolerant enough not to start firing every single and damned time someone says the name of the lord in vain.
it should, but it doesn't. fanaticism is not an exclusive of a bunch of muslims who like to burn buildings and make riots over a cartoon.
according to the tale, christ has died for us. i can't recall he saying that he wanted us to kill for him. and yet, there is so many people out there that would love to do just that. the supreme irony is, if their beliefs are real, they'll probably burn in hell too. if not for their sins, then for their lack of humour. humour, for god's sake. how can someone have a decent life if one is not able to make a laugh out of oneself?
April 23, 2008
absence and noise
just like being intentionally absent from something one was supposed to attend. sometimes we have responsabilities (duties, if you prefer) that should speak louder than our prejudices, differences and personal hatreds. and yet they seldom do. therefore, being absent is not a statement of indifference, but of mediocrity, of being unable to put aside petty differences and arguments. in the end, being absent by stubborness is nothing but a statement of failure.
considering the situation and the people involved, nothing new.
April 22, 2008
acknowledging the crap
April 21, 2008
judgement
freckles and memory
anyway. today i've found someone i hadn't seen for a couple of years. an old mate from school, from highschool, who came to lisbon when i came, or maybe the year before. can't remember exactly, as i couldn't remember her name. happens quite often, to meet someone i know but whose name my memory cannot pull from its dephts. it hasn't stopped me from talking to her, mind you. she's not exactly how i remembered her, though: the skinny, often shy girl with somewhat sad eyes was replaced by an elegant and sophisticated young woman, who dresses smartly and seems determined in getting a decent job, now that her studies are finished. her green eyes remain sad, but still match the few freckes that dot her face. and her smile, of course, probably her best asset.
and i keep thinking about her name, which i cannot remember. god, i hate my (lack of) memory.
fact or fiction
double disappointment
April 17, 2008
phylosophy out of a friend's messenger nickname (XXIII)
quoth the raven (XXX):
no death nor glory
April 16, 2008
no hope, no harm, just another false alarm
last night i dreamt
that somebody loved me
no hope, no harm
just another false alarm
last night i felt
real arms around me
no hope, no harm
just another false alarm
so, tell me how long
before the last one?
and tell me how long
before the right one?
the story is old - i know
but it goes on
the story is old - i know
but it goes on
oh, goes on
and on
oh, goes on
and on
hit-and-run
on jealousy
for in the end, we all want to be unconditionally loved, that's all. unfortunately, not every of us has that chance.
mismatch
April 15, 2008
shadow
an eternity of waiting. of drifting through the clouds, of wandering through the wastes. of sinking into the spheres of hell. and you. you were always there, like a beacon of light. and a curse. yes, a curse, too. one i am unable to fight back, like a recurring nightmare that make us affraid of falling asleep, for we know it will return to haunt our dreams. and yet my feverish mind is not restless, and my feeble body is not tireless, and both end up giving in and embracing the nightfall of the soul.
every man needs dreams after all.
and within the halls of reverie, i've lost myself. i fought my pride. i betrayed. i murdered. i commited suicide once and twice and you kept bringing me back to life. with a promise - another veiled curse that my never-seeing eyes could not fathom. shadows. shadow, for it's singular. i'm singular. i'm half singular in fact, as my meaningless shadow becomes irrelevant. no one notices a shadow under the sun, after all. why should they? a shadow has no life of its own. no feelings. no shame. a shadow is nothing. one turns off the light and the shadow is gone, gone as the darkness takes over. a shadow. a meaningless, irrelevant shadow.
and you.
quoth the raven (XXIX):
sooner or later, you'll be the ones attending to that mental gathering, and it's host, someone who will miss you. then get up and pour some tea of coffee. and go to work.
April 14, 2008
the bottom of the food chain (II)
perhaps that's what i need, after all. to become a predator. to kill. to murder. to not regret. to not forgive. perhaps only changing my nature i can survive this ordeal.
zero sum
calvinball
and no, applied to real life a "calvinball" game is not only anarchic - it's purely entropic, and in the end, it will cause too much damage to all players.
honey, are you sure the dinner is not burning?
quoth the raven (XXVIII):
it's a perfect moment, the time when the ball is at the highest point of the throw. the action has been taken, and for one frozen moment everything is moving, but everything is at rest.
then there are those jackasses who can't leave such things alone. and the ball starts downward again, the second blow is thrown, and we plunge into the maelstrom.
gap
phylosophy out of a friend's messenger nickname (XXII)
April 11, 2008
wounds
important is what we see on the telly
what moves people's emotion is not the struggle, the violence, the slaughter - but the struggle, the violence and the slaughter which get to the prime time on television newsbreaks. hence the reason why today everyone talks about the conflict between china and tibet, and no one gives a fuck about darfur. just as before everyone spoke about how evil were the united states in iraq, or how evil was israel in the gaza conflict, and no one cared about darfur. but people will care. oh, yes they will. we've all seen the movie before, after all: once the genocide is done, and hundreds of thousands (if not millions) have being murdered, people will see what happened. and they will judge, and they will condemn, and the united nations will broadcast a cute speech about it. it happened before in ruanda. it will happen again. too bad it will be too late for the ones who died while the world was happily talking about the olimpic games and half a dozen monks.
words and doors
the bottom of the food chain
truth and lie
on time
April 09, 2008
a waste of time
i did.
and no, i'm not an evangelist - far from it. i'm just someone who apparently enjoys wasting time.
quiet violence
April 07, 2008
glass wall
April 04, 2008
the ability of dodging
April 03, 2008
a good opportunity?
maelstrom
April 02, 2008
naughty, naughty black holes
and yet we all know the stereotype around the relationship between scientists and sex - or the lack of relationship. so i don't think they would miss the chance to recreate another kind of bing bang, if you know what i mean.
and by the way, i really like how "cosmic blowjob" sounds.
[note: some months ago i had the privilege of attending to a conference with one of cern's scientists. the guy did one hell of a presentation, explaining many interesting aspects of particle physics and the work they do around it with particle accelerators and other toys alike. the funny thing: the large hadron collider is build underground, in a wide structure of conducts and pipes. the site has some of the most advanced technologies that exist in the entire world - and yet they use bikes (yes, bikes) to move through the tunnels. as the guy said, "sometimes the most simple ideas are the best. definetely.]
April 01, 2008
endlessly
the only thing i'll never show
hopelessly i'll love you endlessly
hopelessly i'll give you everything
but i won't give you up
i won't let you down
and i won't leave you falling
if the moment ever comes
it's plain to see it's trying to speak
cherished dreams forever asleep
hopelessly i'll love you endlessly
hopelessly i'll give you everything
but i won't give you up
i won't let you down
and i won't leave you falling
if the moment ever comes
hopelessly i'll love you endlessly
hopelessly i'll give you everything
but i won't give you up
i won't let you down
and i won't leave you falling
but the moment never comes