Mixed signals

When one displays nothing, one shows no interest - and one should display interest. But when one shows interest, true interest, one should not ask. Fucking brilliant, but it goes on: when one asks, one should not ask because one should know it by now. Maybe. But when does not ask and decides to follow knowledge or gut feeling (or something more or less between both), one should have asked instead. I'm not really sure what to make of this, but I earnestly do hope that I'm still bright enough to one day understand how to untangle this mess.

To draw attention

The unspoken is not necessarily unnoticed. Most often than not it is actually the other way around.

Not synonyms, mind you

"Social intelligence", you once called it. It was (is) a nice thought, but it truly misses the mark. When talking about me, what you called "social intelligence" is not really "intelligence", let alone "social"; it is, above anything else, naiveness.

No explanations

The question is, shall I care to explain? The answer is pretty obvious - I shall not. We've seen plenty of times already that we don't speak the same language, that we don't follow the same code, that we fail to understand the meanings each other try to convey through words we both know but which suddenly seem inscrutable. It has happened on and on, and will go on happening at least for a while. So all explanations are pointless, as they are never meant to enlighten, only to confuse.

Shield

The good mood is a shield. Quite a good one. It takes practice to wear it, but once we get the skill, we can deflect even our closest friends. All it takes is to draw a smile, to crack a few jokes, and when time comes to say what's the matter - if such time comes at all -, say it in a way that makes it seem meaningless. Mostly everyone will buy it, and the few who won't are the ones who know you well enough not to press the subject. So there will be no questions, and most people won't even notice how broken we are.

Armor

We wear our effort as an armor, trying to convince ourselves that we did all we could. It is true sometimes, perhaps most of the time - but then why do we feel so empty? Deep down we know we failed, and all the layers of armor we wear over our skin are useless to hide that fact. We put everything we got into it, and we failed. It's not going to be our efforts, useless in the end, that are going to save us. That's a hard truth to swallow, but when it comes to that we really don't have much of a choice left.

Pyromancer

Yes, you can think of me as a pyromancer of sorts, reckless and foolish, and of you as the one who puts out the blaze when it runs amuk. You forget, however, all those moments when I was the one standing between you and the flames set after your own skin. And you would do well to remember them. It's not that I need you to endlessly thank me for it - I don't -, but one day I won't be here, and perhaps with all my flaws and vices you'll find yourself remembering my recklessness while pushing the flames away.