thoughts in chaos

long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to the light. [john milton] when life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequilla. [unknown]


June 29, 2007

quoth the raven:

do never ask directions to someone who know them, or you can never be lost.

2:51 PM 0 comments

 

June 28, 2007

return to innocence

about this thought in chaos,
there is a recurring dream coming and going now and then. i wake up and find myself in another place - a small flat with simple decoration, a wide bed. a couple of shelves with a fair collection of comics and sf&f books. a clean desk, for a change, and another for my drawings. A small balcony - and beyond, a different city, a foreing land (usually london, don't ask why). from my past, not a single remain. no family, no friends, no one. a brand new restart, whole fresh life out there, with newfound friends and a fair ammount of enemies to get. a simple work, perhaps in a bookshop, enough to pay the rent, the taxes, the cigarrettes and a double black coffee with jack daniels after dinner in the nearby pub. maybe one day.
, someone without a name wrote the following:
Until you screw up once more. It's life, we're allways doing the same old stupid mistakes so... do you really wanna have this new life with new friends knowing you'll screw up?
the funny thing is, it ain't about screwing up. it's about boredom, routine, lack of something new, something that make it worth to get up with the morning sun and face the day. and then comes this wish of evasion, of running away. of waking one morning and seeing no known face, no known place. of walking in the street as if it was the first time you had ever walked in the street. in the end, it's all about the return to innocence, to an innocence forever lost. merely an illusion, you might say. yes. but we need illusions, as long as they give us room to breathe again. without illusions, we'll be killing ourselves endlessly.
and as a matter of fact, we seldom do the same mistakes twice. what happens is, we do new mistakes when we try so hard not to repeat the old ones.

3:29 PM 2 comments

 

truth or dare?

the truth always comes up. it is merely a matter of time. please remember me to never forget this.

3:23 PM 0 comments

 

June 27, 2007

quoth the raven:

every word is like a knife, but the silence cuts you twice.

8:33 PM 0 comments

 

it is the perfect definition

declare this an emergency,
come on and spread a sense of urgency!
and pull us through,
and pull us through,

and this is the end, the end.
this is the end
of the world.

and this time we saw a miracle;
come on it's time for something biblical
to pull us through,
and pull us through

and this is the end, the end.
this is the end
of the world.

proclaim eternal victory;
come on and change the course of history
and pull us through,
and pull us through

and this is the end, the end.
this is the end
of the world...

| muse, apocalypse please, absolution #2 |

8:28 PM 0 comments

 

June 25, 2007

to nullify

don't ever tell anybody anything. if you do, you start missing everybody.
j.d. salinger, the catcher in the rye
you nullify someone everytime you expose yourself. you have enough confidence, enough.... intimacy to share yourself with someone else. but that's not the way it is supposed to be. if someone is so close to you, that someone would figure it out - at once, by sheer revelation, or step by step, slowing getting close to the revelation that you are. you skip that discovery in a desperate attempt to have someone to reach you, and you're denying that person access to your inner self. that person have never reached you; what you merely did was, you took all the pieces of yourself, spread them over the table and gave'em a shape, assembling the puzzle and therefore revealing the whole picture.
in the end, it is a double bind. the discovery you needed will never happen. the person to whom you exposed your inner puzzle is nullified.

2:28 PM 0 comments

 

June 24, 2007

restart

there is a recurring dream coming and going now and then. i wake up and find myself in another place - a small flat with simple decoration, a wide bed. a couple of shelves with a fair collection of comics and sf&f books. a clean desk, for a change, and another for my drawings. A small balcony - and beyond, a different city, a foreing land (usually london, don't ask why). from my past, not a single remain. no family, no friends, no one. a brand new restart, whole fresh life out there, with newfound friends and a fair ammount of enemies to get. a simple work, perhaps in a bookshop, enough to pay the rent, the taxes, the cigarrettes and a double black coffee with jack daniels after dinner in the nearby pub.

maybe one day.

10:28 PM 1 comments

 

somethings, my dear, shall remain untold

don't ask what's the colour of death. no, it's not white. i know this man, he has lost his seven year old daughter. and he tells me, death is yellow with blue stripes. those were the colours of the little girl's bike, a memento of old he still keeps forsaken, never forgotten, somewhere in the garage.

no, you don't want to know it.

[taken from here, my translation]

2:04 PM 0 comments

 

suicide note VII

nothing has ever devastated me as much as this night. nothing. ever.

4:20 AM 0 comments

 

June 19, 2007

judgement

i know i have screwed up, but if we're told we did something wrong once, we try to do things right - or supposedly right - the next time. still, it seems that every situation is different, and you have to judge it by yourself, and yourself alone. so your judgement, that you think right this time, might well be wrong. again.
fuck it.

12:12 PM 0 comments

 

June 07, 2007

reverse the tide

not being able to reverse the tide when we finally open our eyes and change our minds is a pain in the ass, i tell ya.

3:43 PM 0 comments

 

June 05, 2007

space dementia

space dementia in your eyes and
peace will arise
and, tear us apart
and make us mean-ing-less again

| muse, space dementia, origin of symmetry #3|

12:57 AM 0 comments

 

June 04, 2007

secret

it was so obvious that it almost hurts me how have i only realised it now. of course. the reasons you gave me for your denial seemed to somehow lack sense. but now they have it at last. you refused only because accepting it, doing it, would imply the exposure of your little secret. and not merely the exposure by they realising it, by being inevitable, but for being you the one who would have to expose it. it was that or a lie. between those two, you chose to left me behind. for that secret. it's a fair trade.

11:46 PM 0 comments

 

chaos will always prevail. it is better organized.

thoughts and chaos by

  • john raynes
  • [ jeraynes[at]gmail[dot]com ]

present past:

  • suicide note
  • euphoria and broken glass
  • tear drop
  • requiem for lothorethiel
  • self-inflicted pain
  • the girls we followed home
  • untamed
  • the stand alone friend

guest stars:

  • anonymous
  • delerium14
  • alice
  • shelyra
  • jill
  • virginia

second home:

  • jardim de micróbios
  • viagem a andrómeda

friends:

  • Damn, life, you scary!
  • era um manual de instruções, por favor
  • hoje voltei a ver
  • i'm just killing time
  • lady chatterley
  • tudo e nada

personal favourites:

  • a lei seca
  • aurea mediocritas
  • complexidade e contradição
  • locus amoenus
  • ouriquense
  • postsecret
  • the tugboat complex
  • vontade indómita

early morning laughs:

  • bug comic
  • sinfest
  • xkcd

politically speaking:

  • blasfemias
  • delito de opinião
  • estado sentido
  • o insurgente
  • portugal dos pequeninos
  • 31 da armada

outside world:

  • a forum of ice and fire
  • dead air space

recent chaos:

  • Eulogy
  • Spaceport
  • Lifeless
  • Undertow
  • Smoke and mirrors
  • Mistakes
  • Cast no shadow
  • Love will tear us apart
  • Lady Winter
  • Music doesn't really get any better than this

the past (un)perfect:

  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011
  • May 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • August 2011
  • September 2011
  • October 2011
  • November 2011
  • December 2011
  • January 2012
  • February 2012
  • March 2012
  • April 2012
  • May 2012
  • June 2012
  • July 2012
  • September 2012
  • December 2012

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